If Our Love Is Wrong

Twenty Four

Beatriz

"Mills it was all in the past. It's already done."

"But that's not the answer I want Bea." she said. "All I want to hear is a yes or no."

Natigilan ako.

Millicent is looking directly at me and hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong nag iwas ng tingin sa kanya.

"I think I deserve to know..." she said when I remained silent.

Napapikit ako.

Lahat ng sinabi ni Jho rumehistro ulit sa ala-ala ko. Kung gaano niya pa rin ako kamahal at kung gaano niya gustong itama iyon ngayon.

But it's just... too late.

I already moved forward.

Huminga ako ng malalim. And then I got up from the bed at lumapit ako sa kanya. I went behind her at kinulong siya sa arms ko. I still remained silent at ibinaon ko lang ang mukha ko sa may leeg niya.

"What, Bea." mahina niyang sabi.

It's all in the past. What I and Jho had... it will all remain in the past.

I can't. I just can't.

Mas hinigpitan ko ang yakap sa kanya.

"No." I mumbled.

"What?"

Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya at iniharap ko siya sakin. I looked directly at her and she did the same.

I've been thinking about this for quite awhile. I waited. Sinigurado ko muna because I don't want the same thing to happen again and then end up nothing. Yung akala mo okay na, then biglang mawawala na lang. Ayoko na ng ganon.

Millicent has been the certain one since the beginning. And no, I don't want to mess this up and regret after. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko kapag pati ito mawawala na naman ulit sakin.

Jhoana still loves me. But I dont think I'm still capable of loving her again when everything about me already decided to forget that love a long time ago. It just doesn't feel right anymore.

Jhoana has always been the biggest uncertainty in my life. And now that someone came and became really certain, I just couldn't lost this one too.

I need certainty and I found it.

"Do you love me?" tanong ko sa kanya.

She sighed. "You don't have to ask that." umiiling niyang sabi. "Of course I love you Bea. I have always been."

"Good."

She creased her forehead. "Good?"

I just smiled.

"Why did you asked though?"

I smiled wider.

At least, I am doing this one right. This is right.

"So I can do this." sagot ko tsaka hinawakan ang magkabila niyang mga pisngi.

Magsasalita pa sana siya but then I silenced her by putting my lips into her.

I kissed her.

I kissed Millicent.

I just don't want to think anymore.