If Our Love Is Wrong

Three

Beatriz

People told me once you lose yourself in the process of loving, it's not love anymore, it's stupidity.

And yes, maybe I love stupidly and...  perhaps a little quite insane, but at least I had the courage to lose myself in something I genuinely and truly wanted.

At least I tried. If not, baka pinagsisihan ko. And that would be the death of me.

Many might have rolled their eyes. Some even questioned me. But to be honest, I am quite proud of the way I loved her.

Jhoana

It was something I truly don't expect coming from my own self.

I will never regret any part of it. Even the lows.

I came back to my senses when Millie tugged my arm.

"Bei."

Oh right.

Ngumiti ako kay Jho and then kay Nico tsaka ako lumakad papunta sa car ko habang nakasunod sa akin si Millie.

Well, I didn't expect to see him... just like how I didn't expect to see Jho tonight. But then again, he's Jho's boyfriend. And maybe that's what I need.... to see her still with him in order for me to know how far I've come from detaching myself from the unsought wars inside of me.

Whenever na naaalala ko yung mga time na nasa lowest point talaga ako, hindi ko maimagine na darating ako sa punto ngayon na capable pala ako na makaahon kahit papano sa bagay na yon.

It's been almost 2 years and I am quite happy of how far I got. At least ngayon kaya ko ng sabihin na okay na ako for real.

"Are you sure you can drive?" tanong ni Millie when we are already inside my car.

"Of course."

"But---"

Natawa ako ng kaunti. "Relax Mills. I am fine. I'm not drunk if that's what you're thinking."

"Ok. But slow down."

"Gosh you're so paranoid." natatawa kong sabi while driving the car on reverse.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm just concern."

Huminto ako sa pagdadrive and I grabbed her chin to kiss her sa cheek. "You're so cute when you're paranoid. Do you know that?"

She rolled her eyes again but it's evident she's suppressing a smile. Ayaw niya lang ipahalata. "There's a huge line between paranoia and by just simply being concern, Miss Isabel Beatriz." she said, totally ignoring my compliment.

Natawa ako tsaka pinaandar na ulit ang sasakyan.

Hindi ko matandaan kung naka ilang bote ako ng smirnoff at medyo ramdam ko na rin talaga yung alcohol. Pero kayang kaya ko pa naman mag drive.

Sanay kaya 'to.

"Spend the weekend with me?" I said after a long silence.

Napalingon siya sa akin. "But I thought you have weekend plans with Maki and Cel?"

"Yeah. But then they made other plans so our supposedly weekend plans sa house got cancelled." Sumulyap ako sa kanya with matching puppy eyes which no one couldn't resist. "Please?"

"With Vanie?"

I shook my head immediately. "Just. Millicent. And. Beatriz."

Nilingon ko ulit siya. Bigla siyang napaiwas ng tingin sakin at kinagat yung right thumb niya na parang pinipigilan mapangiti.