Living In The Mind's Cage

71.

Silence was always the thing I wanted most

It was pleasant
Calming

Now even when it's silent
It isn't

My head is too far gone
They never shut up
It's always so loud

They mock me
I mock me
I can't breathe or relax
I can't focus

I can't do anything

Ironic with how much I used to care

I'm heavy
I'm tired
I'm done

I don't know who I am

I don't want to be here

I want it to stop

Please make it stop

I can't take it anymore

Just SHUT UP

PLEASE

PLEASE

PLEASE

LEAVE ME BE

LEAVE ME ALONE

I GET IT

I GET IT

I'M TERRIBLE

I'M

I'm..

Nothing

He's gone
They're all gone

No one's home...

Hah home

Am i home?

Yes

You keep telling me to let go

When the ones who care say the opposite

But do they actually care?

I don't know

I..

You'll be just as selfish as they are

...I know

So I can't

I have to stay

Why

Because...

There has to be more than this? Right?

I can't wallow in this pain forever

Will I?

I

I won't

I refuse

After everything, do I just lay down and die?

FUCK THAT

I deserved better
They deserved better
All of them

We didn't choose them, we didn't choose to love them
But we did and still do

And they all left
One after the other

They might've been poison but I chose to drink it

So was it really their faults?

Here we go again

Of course it was

But at a certain point the blame falls on me

Toxic as he was, I loved him, I willingly
Unconditionally loved

What's so wrong about that?

Even though he did all he did
Then left

Why should I suffer?

Why should I?

He had always been there, him leaving
Being the ultimate betrayal
But was he really there?

Sure he was there physically
But for when I needed him
Or when it counted
Was he?

No

Simply being there isn't being there
Taking a title just because biologically its yours
Doesn't mean you are that title

It's earned

And you never said a word that day

So why should you have a title you never deserved?

Simple.

You don't

I'm taking the power back
Through all the fear and intimidation
All the shouts and the tears

And the hazy memories of when you could've been good to me

It's mine

You were the one who was nothing

I blamed myself for your actions

No more

I deserve to be more than nothing

I hope you enjoy being alone,

After all, it's what you wanted.

May I see you in hell

One day

Congrats D.

~~RDP~~