Living In The Mind's Cage

17.

Why can't dead things, remain gone?
I already know that it isn't for long,
It comes back with a vengeance, knowing I'm weak and alone
I guess it just knows that I'm broken, along with my home,
Least starting to,
I question myself, knowing the right answer won't come through
What have I done, to be the one who deals with the memories and pain?
Remembering over and over, selfishly again,
It's beating a dead horse, as they say,
Yet for some reason I wouldn't have it any other way,
I guess the feelings of hurt, confused, etc., I've gotten used to it,
Used to it all, it's sad to say, but bit, by bit,
Night by endless night, I thought it was over,
For a long time, possibly forever,
Wishful thinking, I suppose,
Clearly it won't ever be, I'm the one this monster chose,

The only selfish thing I'll ever want,
Making things better, happier, but it's just a taunt,
Knowing I can't really be mended,
But I'm glad that I really tried, pretended,
Still am, of course, people see I'm composed, logical,
Granted I am both, but inside I'm seething, but it has to go chronological,
All in the plan that I've weaved,
Clearly and so cunningly, I have deceived,
It's for the bigger picture, the biggest thing achieved,
Everyone is different, that's why I must carefully perceive,
So they could do better, and make them believe,
It's sad how much we don't believe in ourselves, one little comment,
Could ruin the whole blissful picture,
That's a thing we all have in common,
A chink in the armor, then some turn to liquor,
Just digging an early grave, it's practically screaming "QUICKER, QUICKER, QUICKER!"

But it's what we do, we are our own destruction,
We cut down, deduction after deduction,
We can never really do anything that has pure production,
It's not possible, we all have doubts,
Wanting to know what it's all about,

We'll never know,
For those kinds of things,
But I know other kinds of things it brings,
Yes, for another purpose, but you see,
I can't leave them be,
Stronger alone, yet weak,
Stronger together, still weak, but there's a peak,
The kind that covers our eyes, but it's a little bleak,
Ignorance to some, or its sunglasses to make it easier on the eyes,
To make sure to figure out truth from the lies,
But that's all depending on the person,
Who knows those sunglasses might worsen,
They could make you blind to see the truth,
Or make you smart in your youth,
To see the things most people fail choose,
That's why you can't share, or it'll be time to pay your dues,
You'll see them walking in their shoes,
Wanting to know how they do their views,
It'll drive you mad,
I now regret that I had..
No, but that's not the point,
So I don't want to disappoint,
You or anyone else, that's close to me,
But if I do they'll want to see,
Where I went wrong,
Why I wasn't strong,
But I can only do this for so long,
There's a price to this madness,
Guaranteed sadness,
But I wouldn't have it any other way,
I've said before, but what else can I say?
I've been hurt so many times before,
Why does it matter if I  hurt some more?,
I know exactly what's in store,
I know what I'm doing all this for,
The unachievable,
Most think it's unimaginable,
But I've gotten it down to each bitter detail,
So I have to make sure no one goes off the rails,
I know what this job entails,
I just have to make sure most of it doesn't fail,
Like for everyone else, me, myself?
I don't really know,
I'll never know what's gonna happen to me,
But it's no one's problem, you see,
That would mean someone joined this crusade,
To help everyone, but watch themselves fade,
It's fine of course, I've accepted that,
They won't see it coming, I'll probably be crushed flat,
Doesn't matter now I'm in too deep,
Least they'll be able to sleep,
We're all attached to an imaginary thread,
One wrong move, snap, wishing you were dead,
Hold yourself in, so we stay sane,
Because there's better things that we can gain,
Now will you please just remain?
Sometimes I get tired of this cat and mouse game,
Go along now, back where you came,
You created the storm, and I'll stand in the rain,
And oh how I'll smile, while everyone abides,
I take the pain, while everyone hides,
Not truly knowing what it's done,
That's why mending me, will never be something begun,
So I'll say this again,
My dear, old, friend,
Go along now, back where you came,
You created the storm, and I'll stand in the rain.

A/N: This would probably be the longest poem now, while the last update, like a said was a mixture of a short story. But tell me what you think ☺  I pretty much triple updated three days ago, and had to deal with personal drama afterwards so it worked out. But I figured I would update today, to show I'm still alive. Once again tell me of any errors, I really appreciate it.
      Found a couple quotes that are suited for this poem, so maybe I should do this for every poem? Put a quote with it that suits it. I don't know let me know, the few readers I have, don't be afraid to comment, otherwise you can message me or post on my profile.

Quotes:
"Some people feel the rain, other just get wet."

"Everyone wants happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow, without a little rain."

~~RDP~~