Living In The Mind's Cage

23.

Have my eyes gotten duller than they already were?
Has my speaking turned into one little word?
Has my smile looked more forced lately?
Does my facial expression look more sedately?

Has my cries finally reached the other wall?
Do you think that I just get up to fall?
Do you think I want to be this way?
There are no words that explain what I can't say,
There aren't words that can explain what I feel,
There are no words that can make me heal,
Hurting, but still not knowing what is real,
Days go by quicker yet slower, with only one meal,
Indecisive, feeling lost,
As I've said before, these thoughts have a cost,

I can't look you in the eyes, as you can't with mine,
These feelings and days are blurring and intertwined,
I can't speak, with my crazed mind,
The answers I seek, I cannot find,

More questions keep popping up,
And I can't make them stop,
They keep coming and coming, trying to make me drop,
Drop to knees, drop to my fate,
Dropped all the way to the proper gate,
From all this i've harbored turned into weight,
Because I'm going there, I know I am,
And it's gonna hit me so fast, all that will be left is a bam,

It's quiet, for once,
After all these months,
Talking to myself,
Discreetly looking at the shelf,
The desire to do so, intensifies,
All things i've said to make me feel okay, were lies,
Maybe soon I'll have my demise,
But I can't, not yet,
People depend on me, I bet,
Maybe that's another lie I tell myself, I'm not sure,
Is there a cure?
To this madness that dwells,
That it's grown so much into my personal hell,
But when it comes, I'll probably think, oh well,

Music is meaning deeper again,
The only one friend,
I have, doesn't want me to end,
I want stay, I really do,
I'm just not sure if I can, after everything I've been through,
But I will for them, I'll keep the fight,
Because I know they're right,

But I've struggled far too long,
So what if they're wrong?
I can't keep playing the same song,
They all have the same ending,
They fade away, my doom is still impending,
But for now I'll keep listening to the comforting noise,
And readily keep my senses poised,
But the lives of everyone aren't toys,
Throw it of anger, it breaks,
Treat it with love, keep doing it, for that's what it takes

But what if there is no love to give?
Do I just sit here and pretend to live?

What if I run out of hate?
Am I supposed to just sit here and wait?

This thing, is so tiresome,
And yet I still require some,
More sleep, sleep for the year,

Sleep until everything and everyone disappears,
Sleep until you're unaware of your peers,

Sleep until you are soothed,
Sleep until you have to move,

Sleep until you feel calm,
Sleep until you need lip balm,

Sleep until the days mean nothing,
Sleep until you're existence means something,

Sleep until you wish to wake,

So when you do something, your choices make,
A difference to all those who are fake,

If you can sleep and still feel,
Then you know what is truly real,

So everyone else wants to be awake, living their lives, (Fake)
While I'm the one who wants to sleep, and never see the Sun rise,
Because seeing something that beautiful is not for my kind of eyes

A/N: Once again sorry I haven't updated lately I've had no motivation to write. I'll try to update once a week from now on but no promises. Tell me of errors I appreciate it. Until then.
(This poem was supposed to be 22 but it uploaded backwards so that why the authors note talks about this one, I just switched the numbers for now)
~~RDP~~