Living In The Mind's Cage

33.

As it is red, it is white,

As it pulls, you will fight,

When you thought it was day, it was night,

As the shadows confuse you, your thoughts are making sense,

Don't look at me with those eyes, for it automatically makes me feel tense,

As I feel the warmth from my head on my pillow,

I reach over and feel my cold bed, and I bellow,

For it has always been this way,

Somehow it's different this time, It crushes me deeper, and I stay,

As I feel the warmth of my blanket, the shivering hollowness is there,

As I feel the emptiness inside of me, I wonder why you acted like you cared,

Gone as the wind, but always came back,

My feelings to leave you is something I lack,

I can't leave it alone, I can't let it go,

These questions will bug me, until truly I know,

As I see the warm happy smile, that didn't reach your eyes,

It was then I really let myself start to realize,

As I let myself breathe in your loving comforting scent,

I didn't truly think you said the words you meant,

As I see your intimidating stature, I let it comfort me,

For as that loving figure, you were supposed to protect me,

As I hear those haunting voices, that don't leave me in my sleep,

I wonder why it is I let myself be the one to weep,

Gone as the wind, but always came back,

You came back with a vengeance, an unearthly attack,

For each taunting word you said, almost came with a whack,

But I was so small, I could never talk back,

As your face was so blank, but your eyes said it all,

You didn't want to stay, it made my skin crawl,

Those eyes that you held, that I loved when they lit up,

They stared cold towards me, just as this cold bed locks me up,

As your frown was deeply embedded, into that stubble tanned face,

I really truly wonder why I still continue to chase,

It seems to me that those empty eyes and meaningful hard words, can't be completely erased,

Gone as the wind but always comes back,

I hollowly watched you as you packed,

Swift cut movements, eager it seemed,

But I still questioned what your unspoken words meaned,

As I lay here in bed, thinking of old days,

Thinking of myself on swings, you pushed me so I sway,

The innocent child that laughed and smiled, and you smiled back,

I knew then you were actually smiling for it reached your eyes and I didn't need to talk back,

As I jerk from the flashback, stifling the ache,

I still sometimes get the funny faces you make,

As I halt from these painful meaningless memories, that might've meant something to you,

You continue to stand in front of me unsure of what to do,

You have nothing say, and nothing to try,

Even then you still give me your promises, that always turns to lies,

Gone like the wind, but always came back,

I stand here today continuing to wear black,

You didn't come back, for the winds were stolen,

So with my hair, my face shielded, my eyes remain swollen.

A/N: Ok this definitely counts as a double update, looks like I'm on a roll tonight, I'm also sick and it's hard to sleep (as usual, but being sick isn't helping), could be daytime where ever you guys are at, but still. Hopefully this will help me with school as well, more motivation the better. I am really proud of this one actually, feel free to give me your thoughts, I like to hear what you guys have to say, I know right now, I think I have one reader, but who knows that could change in the future, I have a way with people where they flock to me. I don't know why. *shrugs*
Until then.

~~RDP~~