Living In The Mind's Cage

103.

When did we grow so far apart?
It feels like the fork at the road
Has no curve at all
From the chasm between us

Miles of distance
That I didn't know was there
Maybe I was fooling myself

Maybe we've been
On separate roads for a while
And the closeness I feel
Is only the room we share

Why do you keep running?
Do you hate me?
Am I not who you thought I was?
I'm done hiding
I'm done being complacent
But I guess you don't like that

Maybe I was being insensitive
When I said that
Not truly knowing
The weight of my words

But my mind was in the right place
Trying to protect you
From yourself

Do I come across as controlling?
Self-destructive patterns
Are your forte
And I don't wish to see you implode

Am I being judgemental?
For stating what I do and don't like
I don't care if you do the things you want
As long as I am not your accomplice

I won't go down the rabbit hole
With you
Not anymore

Why don't you trust me?
I thought we were such
Good friends
I tell you everything
I don't lie to you
Why do you think I'm doing so now?

It should feel like an equal exchange
Not like I'm giving everything
And you're taking
And pointing fingers

Why would I hurt you like that?
When I'm the one who wishes most
For you to be happy
And hate to see you pain

I know how it feels
And it's something I would never do

Have you always been like this?
Because the people around you
Have burned you
So I must endure their flames?

I've given you a fresh new slate
Many times
Because I knew people make mistakes
But it seems mine has never been washed
Of past sins you deem noteworthy

Will it always be like this?
Me forgiving you for things
I usually never allow twice
Because I care
And you'll keep doing them
Because I let you

Even when I draw the line
You seem to cross right over
As if you're blind
To any boundaries
Acting like it's something
You've never known

But if I even dared to look
At yours
I would be discarded
Like a piece of paper
In the wind

Was our friendship always this flimsy?
Years of it
Has been a blur of pain

Why do I self sacrifice for you?
When you don't for me
Where you trample on my efforts
Like it's your job

Are you trying
To get my attention?
You've had it since day one
You were my highest priority
Until jealousy sailed to your shore

That's what it seemed like to you
And yet I never saw it that way

I chose me for once
To start repairing the wounds
You and others have inflicted
And started saying no

Such a strong powerful word
That seems to make everyone
Think I'm the bad guy

But do tell me
Since this distrust
Runs so heavily in your veins
Could you ask yourself
Why it's there in the first place?

Lying and deceiving
As if it's some role
You have to portray
Because you're so good at it

I thought I knew you
And I did
But you were different with me
Maybe it was special treatment

And you've deemed
I don't deserve it anymore
When others have hurt you
More deeply and more
Consistently

Why do we treat each other
This way?
Why do I let you?
After all this time

Is it because I don't give up?
Because it feels like you gave up
On me
A long time ago
And I wanted to revive something
So I wouldnt be alone

Not knowing
That it wasn't in my power
And what I brought back
Wouldn't be what I had hoped for.

~~ RDP~~