Living In The Mind's Cage

77.

It's funny

How far you can get

Only to go back to square one

Like all of it was for nothing

Like you weren't trying at all

As if all you did, never mattered

It's really funny

How much effort you put into something

Just to not care about it anymore

Or how easily lost it became to you

The irony is not lost on me

The person who swore wouldn't hurt me, did

And I'm not surprised

But I am surprised, how quickly I jumped back

To the old me

How quickly my mind deteriorated

Or maybe I just didn't see myself slowly slipping back

I don't get it

Working so hard to be better

Only to feel so much worse

What is it?

What is it that troubles me so?

To make me go back in this excruciating game

I'm tired of playing

I'm just tired

Why did I go so far up?

Only to fall all that way

What did this to me?

Him?

Or was I simply fooling myself

I never gave him that much power over me

Did I?

I remained lonesome in my journey

I made myself take each agonizing step

To show him and myself

I can be more than this

I don't have to stay that way

Miserable and dying

Hoping that it'll all work out

I put in the work

I put in the time

I pushed away people

To figure out why

To find myself again

That I buried in the wreck

Of helping people

That didn't deserve that respect

I want to be better

I say that again and again

But when will it happen?

I'm tired of saying

I'll try one more time

Next time it'll be better

Good things have to even out the bad right?

I threw away that child's game

To help myself become an actual person

Not someone to become what everyone else wanted

I tried

I tried so hard

For nothing

What kind of joke is this?

Did I play myself?

Certainly no one else could get me to this point

I always was my own undoing

So, my scarred, beautiful mind?

What happened?

What made you hide once again?

~~RDP~~