Living In The Mind's Cage

62.

I need help

I know I do

But I can't reach out

I never learned how to

I'm tired

I still can't sleep

I need to stay on track

I can't

I try

But I'm not trying hard enough

I need to do better

I need to be better

I don't know how

So teach me something

Won't you life?

You've taught me many things already

Why can't you teach me how to help myself?

Why can't you teach us how to love ourselves?

Why must you go through the cycles without change?

We need change

I need change

And I just can't seem to get there

How do I do this?

Why am I like this?

Why have I done this again?

Why do I disappoint myself?

Why do I disappoint them?

Why did I become this?

What am I supposed to do?

Why?

Dammit I need to know

I'm grasping at straws

And I can't grow

How?

Did I really become this?

This thing

I despise

What?

What is this thing?

I use, to disguise,

Myself

When will I know better?

When will I give in?

When will I be better?

Instead of giving in

I want to be better

I want to be normal

I want to be anything but this, thing

I can distract myself

Act like I'm fine

Fuel my emotions

Into being unkind

To myself and others

I can pretend to be normal

Blend right in

And no one suspects a thing

So many of us hide

I hide away everything

Everything I am

Because I'm too scared of who I will be

I'm caged

I need to get out

I'm trapped

I need to wander about