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Chapter 47

One day I went over to one of my guy friends' houses. We were playing around like friends do but the playing around didn't last. In a few minutes he had put me in a choke hold. I pulled on his arm trying to make it loose but it didn't work.

It was beginning to hurt my neck and I thought that I was going to pass out but he let me go. After that, I don't know why but we stayed friends. He didn't do again.

When I went to his house, I liked spending time with his grandmother. She was a nice woman. She got upset one day while I was there. It was because of her husband. I just gave her a hug. I told her that everything would be okay. I said those words but I didn't even believe them myself.

I liked going to his house. I hung out with him and his sister. We even went to church together one night. His house was far from mine. We hung out several times then something else happened. We were at his house. One minute we were talking and then he tried to kiss me. I kept moving telling him no and that I already had a boyfriend, Ronan. I told him that I didn't want to do anything with him.

I was not going to cheat on my boyfriend. I was not going to do that. He grabbed me and started shaking me trying to get me to but I wouldn't do. I couldn't do it. I'd never willingly do that.

After I got home, I decided not to make a big deal out of it and I let it go. We stayed friends somehow but I didn't hang out with him after that.

Apologizing doesn't make everything go away. A person can say how sorry they are for doing something to somebody until they are blue in the face. In reality the harm and the bad things that the person does will never be forgotten.

I was always told to forgive. No matter what they did I was supposed to forgive them. This is what I did for my guy friend. I forgave him for what he did. The hurt will always be there but there is a feeling inside me that is complete because I forgave him. Forgive and never forget.

I hear people say forgive and forget but not forgetting is the thing that keeps you from making the same stupid mistake twice. Why put yourself in that position only to get hurt again by the same person? Why let them do those unspeakable things to you once more?

Why be an idiot and think that things won't happen again? They always do. You can hope for change. They never change.