Broken and Fearless // C.B.

Chapter 36

Juliet's POV:

The next morning, around nine, I woke up. Colby was still asleep.

I shook him and ended up sitting on him trying to wake him up. His eyes slowly opened and he groaned. "What do you want?"

"Hiking. Change."

Colby rolled back over and I shook him again. "Pretty please? You said it was a good idea last night."

His eyes met mine and he sighed. "Fine. Get off of me."

I jumped to the ground and as soon as Colby left to change, I threw on a pair of workout leggings, a sports bra, and a workout tank. All black, of course.

Colby smiled when he saw me. "Ready?"

"Yeah. Basically. We can't forget water. We should probably eat a little something."

We got something to eat and headed out.

Colby parked his car and we walked into the park.

As if fate was against me, I started feeling things I hadn't felt since back in December. That was seriously concerning. I didn't dare tell Colby, as I was afraid he'd make me get help. For now, I knew I was okay.

"Babe?" Colby said, appearing next to me. "You good?"

"Yeah. Ready for me to beat you?"

"I didn't know this was a competition."

"I didn't either. Now it is. I just decided."

An hour later, we were finished with our hike, and I was battling my inner thoughts. I decided I'd write, since that would sometimes help me.

I showered and threw on leggings and an All Time Low shirt. I pulled out my journaling notebook and went up to the roof. The guys rarely go up there, so I've taken it as my space.

Hello again. The thoughts are back. I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell Colby or the others because I know they'll freak out and try to get me help. I don't want help.

Ma, I miss you so freaking much. I don't know how to cope without you. I mean, I can, I just don't want to. Everyday is a constant struggle to stay alive. The others don't know. I don't plan on telling them anytime soon.

That's all I have to say for now.

I closed the notebook and felt an overwhelming urge to scream. Instead of screaming, I looked up to the sky and sang, "I'm standing in front of you. I'm standing in front of you. I'm trying to be so cool. Everything together trying to be so--"

I started breaking down and fell to my knees as silent tears fell down my face. It's like every negative emotion I was feeling suddenly came crashing down.

I felt so broken and so empty, and it really, really sucked. The last time I got like this, well, things nearly ended horribly.

Eventually, I decided to come downstairs. I made sure to put on a faux smile so the roommates wouldn't see past it. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, Colby knew me too well.

He took my arm and pulled me to the side. "Something's wrong. I can tell."

I gave him a tiny smile. "I'm fine."

"That's a lie. I know you, Jules. Help me understand."

I crossed my arms. I could feel myself shutting down. I didn't want to talk about what I was feeling. I shook my head and walked up the stairs to Colby's room.

He followed me and closed his door. "Talk to me."

I slid down the door and felt my eyes burning. I tried to hide the tears, but Colby saw.

He pulled me into his arms and let me cry.

When the tears stopped, I wrung my hands together and sat in front of Colby. I let out a small sigh and said, "The thoughts are back. I don't know. I just feel really, really down."

"How down?"

"Nearly as down as when she died."

"Are you thinking of suicide?"

"It's crossed my mind a couple times today."

"Just today?"

I debated admitting everything to him, but I decided I wouldn't. "Yeah. Just today."

Colby studied me, trying to figure out if I was lying, but I wouldn't break. I couldn't. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he nodded. "Okay. I believe you. I think."

"Better than nothing, I suppose."

He frowned and continued studying me. "I can't tell if you're lying or not, and that's really annoying."

It hurts me not telling you more than you know. I don't want to burden him. I trust him, but I can't bring myself to tell him what I'm going through.

I went to sleep, and ended up sleeping the entire night.

The next morning, I heard a loud alarm. Colby's door opened loudly and he looked at me. "Babe! We gotta go! Come on! There's airplanes everywhere!"

I swatted Corey's arm and glared at him. "Don't tell me it's just a prank, bro. You woke me up from my beauty sleep."

Corey shrugged. "In my defense, I thought you were awake."

Apparently it came from his speaker in Jake's bathroom.

Corey said we could go to sleep. Jake said he wouldn't be able to and I immediately curled up on the floor.

Colby's POV:

I picked Juliet up and laid her down on the couch. I knew she'd get Corey back for the siren, and me for yelling at her to wake up, but I didn't know how or when. I think that's the scariest thing with her. You never know when she's going to strike.

Since I was up, I decided to do some editing and get video ideas.

Sam knocked on my door and I nodded to him. "What's up, man?"

"When do you want to do the Queen Mary video? The closest available is in May. I was thinking we could stay in room B340."

I frowned. "Isn't that the most haunted room?"

He nodded. "Yeah. It's reopening soon, and I thought it might be interesting to stay there. Maybe we'll get some proof."

I pointed to my sleeping girlfriend. "What about Jules? She doesn't want to go back there. Not after she got scratched."

Sam bit his lip. "I think that's why she should be there. The spirits already know her, and maybe they'll show up if she's there."

"Sam, I don't want her getting hurt!"

"We'll protect her, Colby. Believe me; none of us want her getting hurt."

"She might actually murder you, dude."

"I'm aware. I'm sure you'll figure out a way to bribe her to come."

"Why me?"

"She's your girlfriend, and frankly, I think it'd be kinda weird if I baited her."

I huffed. "Fine. I'll try to get her to come."

"You could tell her that she'll be in the house by herself if she doesn't come."

"If there's no other option, I will, but I don't want to if I don't have to."

He left and Jules woke up a few minutes later. I smiled at her. "Hi."

"Hi." She then studied my expression and asked, "What is it?"

"Sam booked a night in B340 at the Queen Mary. That's the most haunted room. Did you want to join us?"

Jules shook her head. "After being scratched, absolutely not. I'll hang out with Kat or Devyn, or both."

"Are you sure? Corey might be able to help calm you. He's coming as well."

"I'm positive. Don't force this on me, Colby. Please. I tolerate a lot, but I won't go back there. I made a promise that I'd never go back there. I'm sorry."

I kissed her forehead. "Don't be sorry, babe. I respect your decision."