Roses Diary [S.M]

Talk it out

"So, can you tell me why the two of you are here today?." I stare back at the the guy, better known as a couples counselor.

You probably wondering, what the hell happened? And how did you ended up here? Well, sit down and make yourself comfortable. Here comes me pouring my heart out. Again.

Well, it all started after my encounter with Camila at the party. Seeing her, woken something up in me, that I didn't knew that was still there. That something is called; trust issues.

Trust me, the last thing I want is to have those feelings. Especially since Shawn and I are in such a good place and things are slowly starting to feel normal again between us but I really cannot help it. Although, I know that he is real with me and that he learned his lesson, I cannot help but to think about if he is going to leave me again. What if someone comes along, someone who is much prettier and funnier than I am? It happened before, so why wouldn't it happen again? You know what I mean? I know it is stupid but I don't know if I could survive another blow like that.

I was keeping the thoughts for myself for a week and kept pushing them away, that was until the conversation I had with my mother yesterday and I just broke down. I hate myself sometimes because I cannot stop overthinking. I overthink every little detail of my life. I poured my heart out to my mother about everything I could think of. She was the one who suggested to go to couples counseling with Shawn. Because if those issues are not going to be solved now, they can cause major problems in the future.

So, after the 10 attempted to call Shawn, I finally collected the strength to do so. I had hoped that he didn't picked up the phone because it was already past midnight but after the second ring, he picked up with his sleepy voice. When he realized that I didn't call for nothing, he immediately came over. Which was incredibly sweet.

I talked his ears off until the early morning hours, but the feeling didn't went away. So, extremely long story short but that is how we ended here, at couples counseling, 12 hours later.

I keep staring at my feet, not really knowing how to start or where to begin.
"Um well..."- Shawn starts. "To be completely honest with you, I have no idea why we are here. Sure, I know that there are still some issues left that we have from the past but I thought that we were working on those, together."

"So, why are you here then? If you don't know the reason behind it?." The counselor continues. That's the thing with those people, they have learned how to ask questions. If you understand what I am saying. They dig deeper. They really try to understand what the deeper problem is and make you talk about it. And if you can explain what the problem is to them, the automatically you will understand it as well.

"Because I love her, Sir. There is not a thing in my power I wouldn't do to try to make her happy. And if that means coming here and talk about it, then I am all for it."

"That is kind of you. So, you really do love her?."

"Of course I do. If I didn't loved her, I wouldn't be here. I have a lot of other things to do but I chose to push those things aside, to be here. To be here for her."

"How does that make you feel, Rose?." At the mention of my name, I look up at the guy. I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life as I do now. I think that I made a mistake on thinking that this was the only solution. Why am I telling a stranger all the ins and outs of my relationship?

I quickly look at Shawn, who is staring at me with participating eyes and back to the guy.
"I don't know. It is really sweet and I really appreciate him being here because I know how many appointments he had to reschedule to be here but..."-