Roses Diary [S.M]

Noceur

"Um hello?."- out of nowhere, a couple of fingers are snapping in front of my eyes. Pulling me out of my own thoughts. I turn my head to Scott and raise my eyebrow at him. "Where are you with your thoughts?."

"What did you say?." I choose not to answer his question.

"I asked how things are going."

To be honest? Fucked. Up. It has been a week since Aaliyah has been hospitalized and in coma. Karen and Manuel are staying crashing in our house, I cannot walk the street without being jumped on by paparazzi or everyone else who wants to know what is going on with us, Shawn has been so absent lately. It feels like I am talking to a wall sometimes. And on top of all that, my pregnancy hormones are taking over and I feel the need to cry every second of the day. Moral of the story, it has been a hell.

"It has been one hell of a week, I can tell you that."

A softer look takes over his face. "I can only imagine what you guys have been going through."

"Well, out of everyone, I think I am the one who you should feel less sorry for." after all, Aaliyah is only my sister in law. It is way harder on Karen and Manuel, and of course, Shawn.

"No, I don't think that is true."

"What do you mean?." I say as I take my phone out of my bag and look at the new incoming text message. It's from Luca, saying he is going to be at Scott's office in 10 minutes.

"You are the one who is taking care of everything and everyone, while the others are in the hospital, sitting at her bed."

"It's nothing." That's not true but what else I am suppose to say? Hey, can you all please stop and chill for a sec? If it was me in the situation, I wouldn't go anywhere if my child was in a coma as well. I would handcuff myself to the bed if I had to.

"Rose, not to be rude but you look horrible. Do you even sleep?."

If it was anyone else but Scott, I would have said to him to mind his own business, but I know he has a point. I have been dodging the mirrors in my house for two days now. I almost had a heart attack when I saw my own reflection earlier.

"I try to but Shawn..."- I sigh softly.

"What about him?."- he raise his eyebrow as he resits in his chair. "Is everything okay between you guys?."

"It's all my fault Rose..."- Shawn mumbles in my neck, after a good 30 minutes of continue crying. "It is all my fault."

"Don't say that."- I pull him even closer to me. "You could not have prevented this."

I saw the police report. A drive ran through a stoplight and hit the car Shawn and Aaliyah where sitting in. There was nothing he could have done to prevent this from happening.

"I shouldn't have asked her to get my phone..." he sobs loudly again. "It is all my fucking fault."

"Your phone?." I ask confused and tilt my head back to look at his face. He looks back at me with red eyes. Completely exhausted.

"Yeah... I left my phone in the pocket of my jacket at the backseat. I asked her to get my phone out of my pocket.. thats why she didn't had a seatbelt on."

"Why did you needed your phone while you were driving?." I ask but I already know the answer, and it makes me nauseous.

He looks into my eyes for a couple of seconds, before he looks away. "Because I wanted to know if you had send me a text..."

Well, fuck. It is my fault.

"Yeah, we are... okay. It just has been challenging. He is either at the hospital or at the studio. The only time I see him is at night." Or when I of course go to the hospital but it's not like we can have a full blown conversation there with his parents present.