Roses Diary [S.M]

Anticipating

"And??." Anna's voice finally enters my ears. My hands are shaking, as I stare at the little test in my hands "Hello? Earth to Rose? What does it say?."

"I am pregnant." my voice comes out extremely soft. I just cannot believe it. It feels like I have stepped into an alter universe.

"What?." I pull my eyes away from the test, and look at my best friend's tense face.

"I am pregnant."- I say it again, this time a bit louder. "1 to 2 weeks."

"O my God."- I can see that she tries to hold back her excitement. "How do you feel? Are you happy or..."

"I don't know. It feels like I am going to wake up at any moment now." It feels so surreal. This little test just has changed my whole future. In a matter of a few minutes, my whole life just turned upside down.

"Do you want to keep it?."- my eyes snap up back to Anna's face. Does she mean... abortion? "I mean, are you and Shawn ready for a child?."

"I thought we were but after everything that went down earlier... I don't know." I mean, he said that he didn't wanted to marry me anymore. Or well, that it wasn't a smart thing to do. Can you imagine how that conversation is going to go? Hey, I know you are doubting if you still want to marry me but you got me knocked up, so you basically have no choice. Yeah, that conversation is not going to be pretty. We already have a lot to talk about after the stupid things we have said but to add the preggo bomb on him... I think he will go run for the hills.

"Hey."- Anna says and wraps her arms around me. "Don't cry. It will work out. The both of you love each other deeply. He will be over the moon when you tell him."

"What if he doesn't want me anymore, Ann? I cannot do this on my own..."

After hours of talking. Well, Anna talked and I listened mostly, the fact that I am pregnant slowly start to sink in.

About a hour ago, we went to bed. While Anna was out as soon as her head hit her pillow, my mind won't seem to shut off.

I do not feel pregnant. Well, I do not have had any symptoms, other than the extreme mood swings, like the last time I was um.. pregnant. But maybe it is because I am only 1 to 2 weeks pregnant. Maybe symptoms come at a later stadium. I don't know.

1 to 2 weeks pregnant... that means that Shawn has impregnated we with his devil sperm right after our sisters left. I couldn't tell you at what exact moment it happened because we had sex like 3 times a day but I do wonder how. Okay, well I know how but I am on birth control. Ever since the miscarriage I have been extremely strict about taking my pill. Every night, around the same time. I haven't skipped a day. I am seriously starting to think that my body might be immune for birth control. That or there is something supernatural about Shawn's semen. Whatever it is, the moral of the story is that I am pregnant. In 8 months and 2 weeks a little human is going to leave my body.

That also mean that we have to cancel the wedding. It's now mid April. We have planned for the wedding to be at the end of summer, so around the beginning of September. By that time, I will be 4,5 months pregnant and probably already have a belly. There is absolutely no way that I am going to look fat in all my wedding pictures. So, maybe Shawn gets his way after all. No wedding.

I look to my left and watch Anna's sleeping features. I never really knew that Anna snored but I guess that is also a symptom of pregnancy. Gosh, I do hope that that specific symptom will pass me by.

I can lay here in bed and stare at the ceiling for another hour but I know that I only would drive myself crazy with overthinking. So, I pull the duvet off my body, slide my slippers on my feet and sneak out of the bedroom, without making a sound.