Roses Diary [S.M]

Back to ground zero

"This is getting ridiculous." I mumble to myself as I try to lift myself up out of this bed to go pee for the 6th hundred time. This kid is not even here yet and he is already keeping me up at night.

"What are you doing?." Shawn's soft, sleepy voice fills up the rather quiet room.

"Your son is pushing against my bladder again." Not that I was sleeping before or whatsoever. Our kid is a very active little man. Especially during the nights he comes to life to host a house party for himself. At least, that is what it feels like.

"Do you need help?." I catch Shawn looking over his shoulder as me, Wally the whale try, keyword try, to lift myself out of this huge bed. I never knew that a belly could have become such an object and the fact that this bed can easily fit 8 people in, doesn't help either.

"I think I will manage." I swear, how do people do this? Having a belly is hard. Once I successfully pushed myself out of the bed, I walk over to the bathroom door in the outer corner of the huge bedroom.

I flinch at the sudden brightness of the automatic lighting in the bathroom. It's all fun and games all that technology but not at 4.30 in the morning and since both Shawn and myself aren't such tech freaks, we have absolutely no idea how to switch it off. I can hear you think, why do not ask someone who knows... well, we feel ashamed. Shawn's Canadianish is rubbing off on me. Normally this Dutch blunt girl would not even think about feeling ashamed but ever since my pregnancy my character has started to change. Horrible if you ask me.

As I am doing my business, I see that the sunrise is about to begin. One thing I have noticed about spending time here in South-Africa is that it becomes light here very early in the morning hours. Shawn said that it is because we are closer to the equator but I don't really know if that is true. All I know is that it is never this bright in the early morning hours in LA as it is here around the exact same time.

Once I am done, I flush the toilet, wash my hands and walk back into the dark room.

"Better?." Shawn asks as I get into bed again.

"Yeah, I will be fine for the next 15 minutes." I mumble followed by a loud yawn.

"I am sorry you have to go through this every night." I feel him getting closer to me. He gently pushes my hair out the way and press a kiss against my cheek. "I wish I could take it over from you so you can sleep an either night for once." That is cute and weird at the same time.

"Don't worry, once our son is here you can make up for it." I mean it more like a joke but Shawn takes it a bit too seriously.

"Of course I will. You did enough already."

"Well, the hardest thing has yet to come." The delivery. Child birth. The more I think about it, the more scary it gets. After hearing everyone's horror story, my confidence that I will have a normal delivery is slowly fading.

"You sound scared." He probably notice the change in my voice. Like I said, upon not so long ago, I wasn't really scared or nervous about child birth but now that is getting closer to the actual due date... I don't know... it is just nerve racking.

"I am not scared."- I know he will worry about me and I don't want that. "It is just... never mind. Lets just go back to sleep." He is a guy. He wouldn't understand anyway.

"Hey, no."- he gently positions me on my back and pop up on his side to look at me. "Talk to me baby. I want to know what is going on inside of your head."

"It is just my stupid insecurities again. You know all about those by now." Believe me, he knows. Like I said before, my hormones take over from time to time and during those episodes I tend to dump all my worries on Shawn.