Roses Diary [S.M]

I will catch you when you fall

S: "When are you planning on going back to work?." Scott voices sounds through the my Macbook as we are having our weekly meeting. The only thing is that I have too much to do today, to drive over there and have a meeting in real life. Thank God for the 21 century equipments.

R: "Work as in?." I mumble back in response as I try to reach over my kitchen counter, to reach for the Bagels. If I get any bigger, I am no longer able to do anything because my belly will be in the way. Shawn and his parents will be back from the hospital for a brunch. So, yeah. They have to eat something.

Okay, back to what we are doing. O yeah, meeting. I am paying attention to the meeting? To be honest, not really. How weird it sounds, but I am not ready to face the world yet. Because when I do, I have to explain so many things, and I don't know if I want people to know about any of it.

S: "Well, making video's, do appearances, interviews? You know? Your work?."

R: "Scott, I told you. We aren't ready. I do not want to discuss my life with the whole world right now. With everything that is going on with Aaliyah, the baby and Shawn..."-

S: "Alright. Alright. You are right."- he sighs deeply and rub his face. "You know that the longer you wait, the harder it gets, right?."

R: "Yes. I am aware."- I say with an annoyed tone in my voice. I know he is right but I am just not ready and he should respect that.

S: "No need to get snappy with me." That is the thing with Scott and I. He is probably one of the people in this world he knows me best, aside from my family and husband of course, but he can never estimate when to stop pushing or when I just have an off moment and need to be left alone.

The tears are being to well up in my eyes. It's not like he says anything that is extremely harsh or anything but just everything put together... is too much for me to handle.

I plaster a smile on my face as I look at the screen of my MacBook.
R: "I have to go. I will talk to you..."-

S: "Sorry Rose... I didn't mean to..."-

R: "No, don't worry about it. I will talk to you later, okay?." Before he can say anything back, I disconnect the call and the screen turns black.

I lean forward over the counter and burst out into tears. I just had enough. Today suppose to be a good day because I have my 20 week pregnancy check up later today, and I get to see my little bean again, but with everything going on, I just cannot seem to enjoy it.

I feel a lick over my bare ankle after a good couple of minutes of crying. I look down as I wipe my tears away and find Lou, staring up at me. Even she is giving me the pitiful eyes. Great.

I crunch down and pet her head lovingly.
"At least you still love me, right?." Another wave of sadness takes over my body but it is abruptly disturbed by the sound of the front door being opened.

I jump up as I hear Shawn and his parents voice. I wipe away my tears and put on my reading glasses. Hopefully it will disguise my tear strained face.

"Rose?." Shawn voice travels through the house.

"In the kitchen!." at the end, my voice cracks. I know he will know something is up but I do not want to burden him with my troubles. He struggles already enough with his own thoughts.

"It smells wonderful in here, sweetheart." I plaster a smile on my face as I turn around with the tray full of fresh baked bagels.

"It is nothing."- I brush it off and shrugs my shoulders. "I have set up the table in the garden. I thought it would be nice to enjoy some sunshine." I normally would have asked how Aaliyah is doing and if there are any updates but I need to get them out of here. I need to pick myself a bit up before I can full them all with my mask again.