𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙮 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙢𝙚 ; 𝙝𝙨𝙬 ✔️

076

The early morning sun slanting through the window splayed across my face and pulled me from my fitful sleep.

I rubbed my swollen eyes and sat up. A blanket slid off of me. I still wasn't dressed, but I must have instinctively covered myself during the night. Chika lay at my feet, snoring contentedly. I closed my eyes as the memories of yesterday flooded back to me.

Seungwoo and I had a fight.

The tears started again with that one sleepy realization. I decided that there was no point in getting up and lay back down again. I pulled the covers up over my head and cried within their protective boundaries.

I had always been the type of person to shake off a frustration and heartbreak. It would bring me down and I'd cry for a while, but then I'd go out and find something else to do or have fun to distract myself.

But I'd never fallen in love, real love, before Seungwoo. I couldn't conquer this heartbreak so easily. I felt like a lead weight was pressed against my chest, making it hard to breathe.

I spent the next three hours lying awake in bed. The persistent regretful thoughts kept tormenting me.

"What if I had just said no when Hyunjin wants to talk to me? But I just have a talk with him. But what if I had just said no, and told him to fuck off?"

"But it's not my fault. I didn't kiss him. Seungwoo knows me so well, he knows I'd never wanted anyone else besides him. He's always known, so why is he acting like this. I didn't cheat on him."

"What if he really wants to divorce me? What if he wanted to marry Hana? What if he doesn't really want to be with me?"

I want him. I can't lose him. I love him. I miss his kisses and his hugs and the way he always rests his forehead against mine. I love the way he stares at me when he's trying to fall asleep because he says that I'm the last thing he wants to see before he dreams. I love our inside jokes and our competitions and how he shares his clothes with me. I love his giggle and his eye-smile and all the embarrassing stories his mom has told me. I miss his body and the way it went together with mine. I miss his hands, his cute giant hands, and how gently he always held me. I miss the way we cuddled after sleeping together. I just miss everything about him and who we were together.

I sighed and wiped the tears from my eyes. No amount of missing was going to bring Seungwoo back.

I closed my eyes and tried to fall back asleep.

I awakened again as the sun's rays once again streamed through my window. Was it really already sunset?

I threw the blanket off and stumbled over to my dresser. I felt hungover, but I knew my face probably looked worse than it did after a night of crying. I rummaged through the drawers and pulled on an old sweatshirt of Seungwoo's and a pair of his boxers. If I was going to wallow all day, I was going to do it well.

I pulled the hood over my head and breathed in his scent. He smelled like his peach W.DRESSROOM cologne (as most idols did) and his face wash.

Face wash, huh. I headed over to the bathroom to tidy myself up slightly. Chika followed me, whining and running around my ankles, begging for food. I didn't even bother to glance in the mirror; I knew my eyes were swollen and my hair was a tangled mess. Probably I had some curls sticking straight out of my head from sleeping with wet hair.

I sneezed. Great, was I catching a cold because of last night? I needed something hot to warm me up.

I wandered into the kitchen and examined the contents of the fridge. Seungwoo had made a week's worth of food because he had a busy schedule this week. All of his food would go to waste now because he wasn't going to come home and eat it.

Sighing sadly, I pulled out a container of kimchi fried rice. It didn't taste so delicious the next day, but Seungwoo's kimchi bokkeumbap was one of my favourite meals.

I heated it in the microwave because I felt too apathetic to warm it in a pan. Seungwoo wouldn't have been pleased, but I decided not to care and filled Chika's bowl with food. She licked my hand, noticing that I felt sad.

As I waited for my food, I picked up my phone from the coffee table and checked to see if there were any texts from Seungwoo.

Seungwoo's smiling face greeted me as my phone came to life. Tears came into my eyes. "Stupid lock screen," I thought as I angrily brushed them away.

The passcode on my phone was Seungwoo's birthday. I didn't know how to change it, so every time I wanted to use my phone, I would be reminded of him.

The wallpaper was a picture of me kissing his cheek while he scrunched up his face. We were adorable and I wanted to smash my phone into a million little pieces.

I checked my text messages. Nothing from Seungwoo.

I logged onto SNS. There were no notifications or messages from him.

I even checked my email. I knew there would be nothing, but I still felt my heart sink when it turned out to be true.

The microwave beeped, but I ignored it and lay on the floor instead. I buried my face in the carpet and Chika came and laid down next to me, nudging her head against my hand. The carpet was old and gross and still had some traces of cat hair from Chika.

I lay on the floor for some time, wondering if it was too early to go back to bed. I didn't even care what I did. I just didn't want to think about Seungwoo anymore. It hurt too deeply.

Of course, I was still in love with him. That sort of thing wouldn't change in a day. But he didn't want to be with me anymore. I couldn't do anything to change his mind.

I rolled over and faced the kitchen table, spying a bottle of wine. I can't drink. But getting drunk was one way to forget about Seungwoo; a few glasses of wine should do the trick.

I was about to get out a wineglass when my phone started to buzz. I fumbled to answer without bothering to see who was calling.

"Hello?" I answered.

"It's me," a familiar voice replied. "Seungwoo."

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helloooooo everyone! sorry for being inactive. really busy at work. love you all and a big thank you to my new readers!! you know who you are ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

i really miss updating this story so that's why i'm spamming you hehe (/ω＼)