she's there.
hooked to machines.
tubes attached to her.
she's lifeless.
josephines mom and her older sister sit in the room next to her bed. i open the door to the room, scared of what they're going to say. as i enter the room, i feel myself getting worked up. when i'm in the room, i can't control my emotions and i just cry. i cant control it.
josephine's sister, alexa. she looks so tired and fed up.
i feel so bad for them. seeing jo like this makes me sick. she can never EVER find out that i bet money on her because she will never forgive me.
i hug elizabeth, josephine's mom.
"do you want time alone with her?" alexa asks me sympathetically.
i nod.
they both leave the room and i sit down in the seat next to her bed. her hand is placed next to her so elegantly, i take her hand in mind.
"please wake up. please. i know we haven't been talking for long but i'm so attached to you and i just can't. i shouldn't be getting attached so quickly but you're different. you're not like the other girls. so please, wake up? so we can have our stupid sleepovers or anything."
i start crying again. i haven't cried this much in a long time. maybe it's the guilt eating away at me.
i don't want to tell her because it's going to hurt her.
maybe it won't.
-
i'm at home now.
my mom said i haven't been the same since josephine got put into a coma. i haven't eaten properly, i haven't showered, i sleep all day - to try and distract myself from the thought of what i done. it makes me sick.
it really makes me feel disgusting, i never knew that i was going to get so attached. it was supposed to be a quick thing.
i have sex with her, leave and then i get the money. but no, instead i fell for her. i am in love with her, she is perfect and my thoughts are so consumed by her.
i just want her to wake up.
