i haven't been by her side in a while and i miss her.
"where shall i begin" i try not to cry.
she doesn't look at me while i'm talking to her which hurts me even more but i deserve it, i need her, i need adam. i need my family. i cant believe my baby girls are here, i was supposed to be here. i hate myself for not being here.
"what are we naming them?" she asks me, i can't tell what she's thinking - she's good at hiding how she feels.
i am still holding one of my daughters and jo has one of the other twins in her arms.
"isabella is a cute name" i tell her, i would've thought that she named them by now but no.
"i like camila" she tells me.
i like that name, isabella and camilla.
even if i didn't like it - i wouldn't argue because i want to sort things out with jo. they look so similar, i haven't held camila yet.
"can i uh hold camilla?" i ask jo and she nods, she puts my perfect daughter in my arms and i put isabella in the clear cot. jo leans over and holds her.
i sit on the end of the hospital bed and i sigh.
"they're perfect" i say to jo, i look up at her and her eyes are filled with tears. oh what i'd do to wipe those tears off of her beautiful face. this is my fault, for once - i don't have anyone to blame for this because it is my fault.
josephine's pov;
what i'm about to say, it's NOT for hero - it's for the sake of our children. i want them to grow up with both their parents around, all the time. if hero wants to be with another woman, he can do that else where.
"im moving back in" i say to the man who broke me, he looks up at - confused.
"i want our children to grow up with both parents in one house, i hate you so fucking much but i'm sorry i can't be selfish and hurt my children. if you don't want to do that, tell me. i'll arrange for something else to happen, i will find somewhere else to live. it's not hard to find a place" i say, looking down at my beautiful little girl.
"no.. uh.. i do want you to move back in. i uh i'm sorry" hero says, he's stuttering which shocks me because - he never stutters. he looks nervous for once.
i hope i'm hurting him, i want to hurt him the way he hurt me. i know i just said i hate him but i've realised how much i love him, but he broke me.
"don't think this is us getting back together because ill sleep in the guest rooms" i add, just making it clear for him. i don't want him getting his hopes up.
i don't really want any visitors, my mom and george can come. i assume that hero's parents will want to meet the twins as well so they can come too i guess.
i don't know what to do anymore. i feel so broken but i still want him even after what he's done to me, maybe he'll change. i don't want our family split up, like mine did. i want our kids to life a happy life. maybe hero and i don't have to get back together, we can just.. i don't know be friends with children, living in the same house.
i haven't been back to the house so i'm excited to go back to the place i used to call home before i was broken.
