today josh and hayden are staying with me and hero, they're staying for one night and then going back to alexa.
alexa dropped them off 30 mins ago, hero, hayden and josh are on the ps4 - it's lunch time so i'm gonna make everyone lunch. the boys said they wanted spaghetti and meatballs so i'm making that. i put the water on to boil and start on the meatballs. hero comes into the kitchen and kisses my cheek.
"sit down baby, i'll make the food"
i shake my head, i want to do all that i can until i'm on bedrest.
an hour later, lunch is ready. i plate up the spaghetti and put the meatballs on top of the spaghetti - i put some salad in a big bowl and place it on the table too, next to the salad i put a plate of garlic bread as well.
"boys come and have lunch" i shout.
i feel like a mom, i can't wait till our baby is born - it's gonna be so fun to see him grow up and the rest.
hayden, josh and hero come to the kitchen and hero has to pick hayden up to sit on the island. we have a island table in our kitchen and then we have a huge dining room where we do christmas and stuff which we hardly use - unless it's a big occasion.
"foods nice jo" josh says, taking a mouthful of his food.
i look at hero and he's feeding hayden, my heart swells - it's so adorable.
"is that yummy?" hero asks him
"yup" hayden replies with his mouthful.
after lunch, the boys go back onto the ps4 - looks like their just going to be sitting on there the whole time. i'm on the couch thinking about how josh has grown so much - it's crazy. he's already 14 the three of them are on the floor with a controller in each of their hands.
hero gets up and sits next to me ,
"are you okay?" he asks
i nod my head and he pecks my lips softly.
"yucky" hayden says and turns back around to face the tv
hero puts his hand on my huge stomach and rubs it, our baby boy kicks me right where it fucking hurts.
"he's kicking" i say smiling at hero.
hero kisses my stomach.
"i love you both so much" hero says.
hero turns back around to the game and i chuckle at him.
i'm about to have a shower and i look at myself in the mirror and i break down. my thighs are too big. i've lost my thigh gap. i'm fat. hero's not going to love me anymore because i'm fat. i sit on the bathroom floor and cry. i haven't had a breakdown in ages and i think i need to let it out.
"j?" hero says and knocks on the door.
he's started calling me j recently it melts my heart when he calls me j.
"yeah?"
i quickly wash my face and unlock the door, hero comes into the bathroom and locks the door behind him.
"are you okay?" he asks me, kissing me on my forehead and tucking a loose piece of hair behind my ear.
"i feel fat"
"you" hero kisses my forehead
"are" then my cheek
"beautiful" hero kisses my other cheek.
he cups my face in his hands
"you're perfect"
-
after my shower, i tell the boys to do some school work because they have been on the ps4 all day. hero made them dinner whilst i was showering, they had chicken burgers and fries. hero had the same as them, i need to eat too but i'm going to make some some popcorn and some green beans because that's what i'm craving - i kinda want some chocolate too so i'll eat all of that and i'll be full. i prefer to snack than eat full meals. i go upstairs, where hero, josh and hayden are working in our office room thing.
i sit down on the bean bag and scroll through instagram and hayden sits down next to me and hugs me from the side.
he puts his hand on my belly and speaks to my baby.
"i hope you know that i think your so cool" he whispers to my belly.
"i can't wait to meet you"
-
i tucked hayden into bed, they're both sleeping in the room that we kept for them both - we've got a big house to be honest for two people.. well nearly three. our baby's room is being done up by hero but i don't know what it looks like so i'm excited to see it once it's done. and then we have mine and hero's room, hayden and joshs room which they sleep in when they're here and then three spare rooms - they all have double beds in them and they're all done up with bathrooms in them all. we have our office and gym, dining room and thinking about it - i'm so lucky to have a nice house, i'm lucky to have somewhere to call home.
josh isn't asleep yet, he's on the phone to a girl from school who he has a massive crush on which is adorable.
-
hero and i are in bed.
"jack is coming here tomorrow" i say happily
"aw yay i'm excited to see him" hero says
i haven't seen jack in ages, of he was at hero's birthday party but that was about it. i'm not sure why i haven't seen him but we're always on facetime and we're always talking over text so it's still the same. he's married now, to a man called liam. liam is so perfect for him and he's the person i always dreamt of jack marrying. i miss jack so much.
"goodnight hero"
"i love you" i say, kissing his lips
"goodnight beautiful i love you more than you will ever know"
i smile at his words. i love him so much.
