i'm still at the hospital, josephine has been in surgery for nearly 4 hours now - she should be out all, i am so worried about her. i shouldn't have gone to italy, maybe this wouldn't have happened if i didn't go.
"are you okay?" alexa asks me and i nod, i can't speak.
if i speak, i will end up crying and i'm not going to start crying. my mom didn't turn up, neither did my dad - i called them so many times, left so many messages but they haven't picked up. mercy answered my messages, she's not in LA - she's in florida so i understand why she can't come but it makes me so angry that my mom and dad aren't replying.
about thirty minutes later, a doctor comes to tell us how the surgery has gone. i say i quick prayer in my head and look up at the doctor.
"how was the surgery?" elizabeth asks, her voice sounds like she is so broken and it's breaking me even more seeing elizabeth like this, alexa doesn't say anything - her eyes are red.
"the surgery went well" the doctor finally says, causing me to sigh - i feel a weight lifting off of my shoulders, i still am terrified of what is going to happen. is she going to be okay after?
i'm going to have to take time off of work to look after her because she comes first.
a few moments later, the doctor comes back out of josephine's room and looks towards me.
"you can go in now, she's awake" he says before walking away.
"do you want to go?" alexa asks
"yes please" i mumble and walk into her room.
she's laying down on the hospital bed, she looks tired. i go over to her bed and i start crying, i've been holding it in but i need to cry. her cold hands wipe the tears rolling down my cheeks, making my heart swell.
"why're you back in LA?" josephine asks, her voice is quiet but loud enough for me to hear what she is saying
"baby you had a heart attack why wouldn't i come back" i reply, my tone of voice is soft.
"i'm sorry" she mumbles
"you don't need to be sorry" i kiss her forehead and she smiles gently
"you were supposed to have your catwalk"
"you're more important than all of it" i reply and take her hand in mine.
"where are the kids" she asks, i can hear the panic in her voice
"it's okay, george and hayden are looking after them"
she nods at me, i hate seeing her in pain
"can i have a kiss?" she asks me and a small smile grows on her face, making her eyes look small.
i lean over and my wife cups my face in her hand, jo lifts her head up slightly and kisses my lips ever so softly.
"you taste like mint" she tells me, making me chuckle
her voice sounds a little better than it did before, which is good. i haven't spoken to the kids since i got here but i'm going to go and get them so they can see josephine.
"my mom didn't turn up" i tell my wife.
"or my dad"
her eyebrows furrow at me and i take a deep breath.
"i called them, texted them but they didn't come to the hospital - they didn't even answer" my voice breaks slightly.
"it's okay" jo says
"it's not, my wife has just had a heart attack and they didn't want to pick up." i reply
jo doesn't say anything to me just nods, i wouldn't know what to say either. i'm so angry at them and i want to know what their reason was.
"i'm going to get the kids" i tell my wife and kiss her on her forehead
"i love you" she says before i leave the room
"i love you too"
i leave the room, alexa and elizabeth are still sitting in the same place as before - josh is here, he wasn't here before but i say i quick hello to him and tell them that i'm going to get the kids.
-
i knock on the door and george answers, he gives me a confused look because i'm supposed to be in italy
"when did you get back?" he asks me
"hours ago, i found out about jo and came straight back" i tell my father in law
i go into the living room and hayden is sitting with the kids.
"daddy!" adam shouts and runs over to me, i pick him up and give him a hug
the twins come and hug my leg, i kneel down so i can give them both a hug and kieran waddles over to me.
"dada" he says and pokes my cheek.
"where's mom?" adam asks curiously
"she's not very well but she wants to see you all" i tell adam and his face lights up
"can we go now please?" adam pleads and i nod, he runs over to where his shoes are and puts them on
"i'm ready!" he yells
"hayden, do you want to come?" i ask my brother in law
he nods and gets up from the floor
"let me change real quick" he says before leaving the room.
i have all the kids car seats in the car, so it'll be okay.
"come on" i say to adam and belle.
kieran and camila are standing by the door, they must be excited to see their mom. i know none of them actually understand what's wrong with josephine but i know they want to see their mom.
i unlock the car door and put kieran into his car seat, adam climbs into his himself and i pick up camila and put her in her car seat and isabella is still at the door, crying.
i jog over to the door and pick her up and put her in her car seat as well, she doesn't stop crying when i pick her up which irritates me slightly.
hayden leave the house and locks the door behind him, he climbs into the front seat of my car and closes the door.
"you got everything?" i ask hayden
he nods at me and i start the car.
isabella is still crying her eyes out and i'm getting pissed off because i don't think she's going to stop crying.
"ad has she got her pacifier?" i ask my son and he shakes his head.
i remembered that i have a spare one in the glovebox.
"hayden can you grab her pacifier from there, it has her name on it" i say, pointing at the glovebox.
hayden passes her pacifier back to adam and he puts it in her mouth and she stops crying.
"thank fuck" i mumble to myself.
-
we're at the hospital now, i'm holding kieran in my arms and the other three are walking in front of me, adam is holding camila's hand and hayden is holding belle because she's still throwing a strop and i'm getting angry at her but i'm letting hayden hold her because i know i'm going to end up shouting at her. hopefully she calms down when she sees josephine, i was holding her when she got out the car and she started screaming and crying so hayden said he'd hold her and she stopped crying, i dont know what's wrong with her.
as i get to josephine's hospital room, josh, alexa and elizabeth are sitting in the chairs beside her - she has a smile on her face which makes me happy.
belle starts crying as soon as we get into the hospital room and i groan because i've been hearing her cry for the last half an hour. adam jumps onto the bed and sits next to josephine.
"hi mommy" adam says and kisses his mom on the cheek.
"hello little man" she replies and hugs him, her eyes light up when i bring the kids into the room.
"i'm getting off so you can hug the others" adam says, he's so mature and he always thinks about his siblings first.
camila hugs jo and i put kieran down on her lap, he's light so she leaves him on her lap. hayden is still holding belle and she's still being a little brat.
"why's she crying?" jo asks me and i roll my eyes
"no clue" i mumble
"give her here" jo says and puts her arms out, hayden puts belle in her arms and she immediately stops crying.
"i'm heading home, i'm gonna take hayden and josh home as well" elizabeth tells us and we say our goodbyes
"alexa are you gonna go as well?" my wife asks
"yeah i think i am gonna" alexa says, she hugs her sister and the kids and leaves the hospital room.
i brought adams ipad so the kids can watch something because i know they won't be entertained for long. they're sitting on the spare bed, which is on the other side of the room.
i sit down in the space next to josephine, i hold her hand in mine and sigh.
i could've lost her.. and i don't know what i wouldn't done if i did.
