last night we slept in the same bed for the first time in months, i didn't want to cuddle him because then he would think i'm just going to forget about it but hopefully one day i get over it. he got up when one of the twins started crying which i was thankful for, i haven't said much to him.
waking up next to him felt so weird, i wanted to roll over into his arms and i wanted him not to let go of me and we'd stay there for a while and then realise we have to get up.
hero got up to brush his teeth and stuff 10 minutes ago and i'm still in bed, i pick my phone up and check the time. 10:30am. i put my phone back down and drag myself out of bed, i get to the bathroom and brush my teeth and all the rest and then go downstairs. i see adam sitting on the high chair thing on the island, hero must've put him up there. my daughters are laying down on their play mat thing, we got a huge one because there's two of them.
"morning mommy" my son says to me and i smile at him, he's eating breakfast. hero is standing by the toaster, i smile at him because his hair is a mess and he looks tired.
"you hungry love?" hero asks me, my heart jumps as he calls me love. adam looks at hero and then to me, he looks confused because he knows that we're not talking.
"uh can i just have an apple" i ask him and he takes the small pot of apples and hands it to me.
"are you and daddy friends again?" adam whispers to me so hero can't hear.
"yes we are" i whisper back at him.
"have the twins been fed?" i ask hero, he turns around and nods at me.
"i fed them and burped them, changed their nappy and i'll shower them later" he says to me.
he gets his slice of toast out of the toaster and sits down next to me, he places his hand on my thigh and i can't get used to his touch. my heart is racing.
this all feels new and i don't know. adam finishes his toast and jumps off the chair and races to his toy room, i look over to the living room to check if our daughters are okay and they're playing with the things hanging from the top of the mat thing.
"i love you" hero says to me.
i don't know what i'm supposed to say to that so i just nod, one day we will be back to normal.
"i'm uh going to target to get some stuff do you want anything?" he asks me
"i'll text you what i need?" i question and he nods
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me; i need those salad boxes that i eat
me; and uh diapers for the girls
hero; okay, do you need anything else?
me; uhh no thank you x
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i hold belle in my arms and stare at the wall, camila went with hero because she wouldn't stop crying. adam is upstairs.
"adam come and watch cake wars with me" i shout and he comes running downstairs, he sits next to me and his legs hang off the couch.
"can i hold belle?" he asks me and i put her in his little arms.
oh i wish he could stay little forever.
as i watch the tv i think about how much i have overcome, i am strong.
