we got back from the honeymoon last week, it was so nice seeing the kids after two weeks and i missed them all so much - i took them all to the lego store and told them to buy whatever they wanted, they're spoilt to be honest but i want them to be happy.. even if they're spoilt because when i was younger my mom could provide for me and everything essential but i didn't ask for extra things because i knew that we were low on money.
i never ever want my kids to feel like that, spending money on them makes me happy, even if it's something small - it makes me appreciate the fact that hero and i have the money for the things that they want.
i'm at jacks house, we're having a catch up dinner together - liam is staying at his moms house because she's not feeling too well, jack is really busy with work so he couldn't go but we've planned this from ages ago.
we're eating taco bell and watching keeping up with the kardashians, we've needed a catch up session and i think this time will give us time to catch up on the last two weeks. hero is with the kids, i was going to cancel this but hero told me to go because i haven't left the kids side since we got back from the honeymoon.
i had my hospital appointment last week too, i have arrhythmia again. i had it when i was about 15 or 16 but it's decided to come back nearly 15 years later. i mean, it is my own fault but whatever. my purging has calmed down a little, it wouldn't have calmed down if i didn't go and talk to my therapist and hero has been so great - as always.. i will always be so grateful for him, he never gets mad at me for purging - it's like he understands.
"do you want a drink?" jack shouts from the kitchen
"what?" i yell
i hear his footsteps from the kitchen, getting closer to the living room - where i'm sitting.
i take a bite of my burrito and look behind me, jack is standing there with a bottle of vodka.
"yeah go on, bring whatever you've got" i mumble before taking another bite of my food.
jack goes back into the kitchen and i hears bottle clanking. i don't usually drink because micheal was an alcoholic and i didn't want to end up like him but i think i need to get drunk - i haven't drunk in years.. i think i drank on my 21st birthday and that was one shot.. hardly enough to get me wasted.
jack soon comes back into the living room with a bottle of wine, a bottle of vodka, he has a can of coke under his arm as well - i assume we're going to drink the vodka and coke together. he sits down beside me and takes a taco out of the bag full of food, we brought a lot of food because we haven't eaten all day.
"how've you been?" he asks me , opening the can of coke.
"eh i don't know, my eating disorder is slowly taking over my life again"
jack pours some vodka into a glass, it seems like a lot but then he puts some coke in the glass. jack hands the glass to me and i drink it all in one go, it tasted normal - i couldn't taste the vodka at all.
"alcoholic" jack mumbles before refilling my glass.
"yeah i take after my dad" i reply laughing and he rolls his eyes at me.
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i think i'm drunk, like very drunk.
i don't think jack drank anything, he only had some plain coke because he's driving me home. i would've loved if he could get drunk with me but liam isn't home and there'd be no way for me to get home.
"how much of that have i drank" i slur, i feel jack tucking a piece of my hand behind my ear
"the whole bottle"
fuck.. i drank the whole bottle of wine, i feel relaxed though. i don't feel stressed, i feel like i've forgotten everything, nothing matters in the world - it's just me.
"come on let's get you home" jack says
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we're in the car now, my head is hurting but i feel funny.
"i want to go to a party" i say out loud, causing jack to chuckle. i cant see him very clearly because my vision is fuzzy and i feel dizzy.
"i'm taking you home" jack reminds me
i furrow my eyebrows at him.
"home?" i question him
"yes home.. where your husband and children are" he replies
"i don't feel at home anywhere"
"i'll never feel at home. no matter what" i say, i can feel my eyes welling up but i wipe my eyes before any tears can escape.
"awh man why did we stop" i whine
jack opens the car door on the side that i'm on and i jump out, i stumble everywhere and my head is pounding, my vision is so blurry.
someone opens the door to the house, pretty sure it's hero.
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hero's pov;
josephine is on the couch, she's laying down and talking to herself - i can't believe she came home drunk. i'm so angry at her, she said she'd be home in an hour or two. it's 1am. i called her several times because kieran needed to be fed but she didn't pick up - i think that what's made me even more angry, that keiran needed to fed.
i found an extra two bottle of milk in the fridge so it's okay, the kids are asleep and i'm glad they are asleep because i don't want them to see their mom like this.
i grab a bottle of water from the kitchen and hand it to my wife, she sits up and i sit down in the free space next to her.
"my husband is going to be angry" she mumbles and takes a drink from the bottle of water
"oh is he?" i sarcastically reply
"he deserves so much better than me"
my heart hurts when she says that,
"what's his name?" i question
"hero beauregard faulkner fiennes tiffin" she slurs and then giggles, i must admit i do smile at the fact she said my whole name.
"that's a long name" i say
"yeah but i love him and i love my children" josephine mumbles
"tell me about your husband" i ask my wife, i find this funny but i'm still furious at her.
"he's so sexy" she stretches out her word and i give her a soft smile.
"oh what i'd do to fuck him right now" my eyes widen at her words and i bite my bottom lip to hold in my laughter.
josephine lays back down and her head is in my lap, i'm so angry at her but i still love her more then everything.
"i want my husband" she whines
"i'm here baby" i mumble
