i shove adams clothes in the bag and leave his room, hero is behind me - talking but i cant hear him because my head is clouded with my own thoughts.
"jo please" he begs, i want to scream. i cant take anymore of this.
adam has turned the tv off downstairs and i know he can hear everything that hero is saying, i don't say anything because i don't want adam to be like me. one of the twins is kicking again and i rub my hand as i walk across the hallway to our bedroom. i'm not sure i want to live here anymore, i want to move out with adam - i'll buy a house, i don't know. my head is fucked.
i pull out a duffel bag from the top of the closet and just shove the clothes that fit me whilst i'm pregnant, i have clothes that are normal at my moms - they're not my favourite but they'll do.
hero is sitting on our bed, i can't look at him - he makes me sick, i can't look at him. i shove the bag on the part of the bed that hero isn't sitting on, i put my curlers in there and my hair brush. i go into the bathroom and put my shampoo in the bag as well.
"josephine" hero says in a stern voice.
"hero" i say mimicking him.
i don't want to look at him or i might cave in, i keep my eyes low.
he tries and hugs me from behind and i move him off of me.
"i love you" he tells me likes it's obvious, no hero.
he doesn't get to do this, he's fucking breaking me - every time he told me that he loves me and is never going to leave replays in my head.
"no. no. YOU FUCKING DONT LOVE ME" i scream, i need to let all of my anger out.
"YOU FUCKING LIAR"
hero looks at me and he looks fed up. i slam our bedroom door shut and i hold the duffel bag in my hand, i slowly walk downstairs and adam is standing there with his bag - he went up and got it. my chest feels tight and it's not good for the babies, adam is crying.
i give my son a hug and kiss his head, if it wasn't for his dad being a selfish bastard - he wouldn't be crying.
i'm fucking pregnant and he still would like to do that, shows how much i mean to him.
i wipe adams tears from his face and he puts his shoes on, i have to put my boots on - hero would usually put my shoes on, it's pathetic i know but it just shows how attached i was to him, like. i don't know, i mean he WAS my fiancé - i was supposed to spend the rest of my life with him so why the fuck wouldn't i be attached to him?
i hear heros footsteps on the stairs and i roll my eyes, adam is sitting on the couch with his ipad - waiting for me to be ready.
"jo" hero says to me, i pick up the keys to the range rover and leave the kitchen.
"i don't want to know" i reply.
"cmon ad" i say to my son, he jumps off the couch and he hands me his ipad. i put it in his bag and i hold the duffel bag in my hand along with adams bag, i unlock the car and adam gets in - i slam the door shut and go to the boot, i put our bags in the back and i sit in the front seat.
"mommy i put my seat belt on" adam says excitedly, i smile at my son and start the car up and i drive towards my moms house.
