hero's pov;
i'm planning to propose to josephine again. last night we had sex again and it felt so good. i feel normal again.
i will never make a mistake like that again, i have everything with jo. she is my life.
she is the mother of my children and the love of my life. i've begin to love her so much that i love every single thing about josephine and i want to marry her, we've over come so much.
my moms dropped the kids off at home earlier and the twins are asleep, jo and i fed them and they went to sleep. last night was the first time jo was away from twins and i know that she missed them so much.
adam is watching cake wars with josephine, i'm sure they've watched all of the episodes but they're rewatching them.
"jo" i whine from the office. i'm doing work but i need a cuddle from my favourite woman.
"yeah" she shouts back
"come here"
"coming" her voice is closer than before.
josephine comes into the office, she looks so beautiful without even trying. i put my arms out to her and she sits on my lap, i kiss the side of her neck and she smiles at me.
"i love you" i mumble against her skin.
"can we sit on the couch this is uncomfortable" jo asks, giggling.
we go to the living room and adam is on the smaller sofa, cake wars is still on the tv. i sit on the bigger sofa - i put my legs on the leg rest attached on the sofa and jo rests her head on my chest, her hands are on my waist.
i look down at jo and her eyes are on the tv, my heart leaps when she moves her hand on mine. i have missed her touching me like this.
adam looks over at us confused, he's not used to us being us again. my son looks at me with evil eyes and i hold in my laugh because he doesn't like me touching jo.
"my mommy" adam says - hugging jo.
"and that's my wife" i say to adam
"how about we share her?" i suggest to my son
"hm no you can have her now, i'll be back" he says, marching upstairs.
i hear his room door open and close and jo stays in the same place, i lean down and kiss her forehead and her eyes are shut. her hair is in her face so i take a hair tie from her wrist and put her hair back, i want her to sleep peacefully. i pull the blanket over her body and over mine.
"i love you" i tell her.
-
josephine's pov;
hero and i woke up from our nap a little while ago, it was a very comfortable nap since i fell asleep on hero.
i'm currently making dinner, i'm making baked potatoes for us all with tuna, sweet corn and salad. hero said he wanted it, so i guess i'm making it. the potatoes are in the open and i open two cans of tuna and put it into a bowl. i open the cupboard and get out a tin of sweetcorn and drain out the water and put the sweetcorn in the bowl.
"hi mommy" adam says, coming into the kitchen
"can you get mommy the mayo?" i ask my son
he opens the fridge and stands in front of it.
"hmm mayo mayo" adam mumbles and i get it out myself.
"thanks though"
i squeeze some mayo in the bowl and put some salt and pepper in the bowl as well.
-
we've eaten dinner, before i ate - i fed the girls. adam is upstairs on the ipad, hero is playing with the girls.
i keep getting an urge to make myself sick. i cant remember the last time i actually enjoyed a meal, you know without wanting to stick my fingers down my throat. i hate it, i hate this. i hate my eating disorder.
i haven't felt sick in a few days, i don't know what's wrong with me. i think i'm stressed out and this is my way. i go up the the bathroom and open the door. i quietly shut the door behind me and open the lid to the toilet. my reflection in the mirror stares at me as i try not to breakdown. i stick my fingers down my throat.
and i feel good.
it feels good.
people don't know what if feels like, it makes you feel better. like you're not going to get fat. i know, it all sounds sick and twisted but it's true. i don't need help again because when i did go to therapy - they helped but not completely. i can help myself like that so it's fine i guess.
i look up in the mirror and look in the mirror, my face isn't red so i'll be okay. my hair looks normal. i sigh and leave the bathroom, everyone is still where they were.
hero turns around and furrows his eyebrows at me, i just go back into the kitchen to wash the dishes because they're irritating me.
"jo let me do it" i hear him say.
i shake my head and carry on.
"have you just purged?" hero asks me, his voice is low.
i nod and put the last the last dish away, i dry my hands and he looks at me with soft eyes.
"are you okay?" he asks me
"no" i say, tears start to fill my eyes.
he hugs me and i cry even more, i'm so tired. i'm so fed up. i don't have a purpose.
"jo do you need to start therapy again?" he asks me, he looks sad.
i shake my head.
"no" i mumble
i'm just done.
