5 years ago; josephines pov;
i had an argument with hero because i can't "open up" to him. i feel bad, i should've been nicer to him but instead i shut him out like i always do, i don't know why he's still with me - he can do so much better. this is what i needed to push me over the edge. now, i don't blame hero for my death, i love him so much. i just need to leave everyone, in peace and i won't be in pain anymore, i can't hurt anyone else.
i've had enough, my eyes are red and i can barely think straight - no one is home so now i can do it. someone will find me and i'll be dead, i won't be in pain anymore. this is too much for me to handle, i will be better dead - because i am in so much pain and i can't take it anymore.
i keep having dreams about my dad who raped and abused me but no one knows, i can't tell my mom. it makes me sick, sick to the stomach.
i bring the sharp silver blade across my pale skin once more, blood is everywhere, my arms are covered in marks.
this is the pain i deserve to be in - i reach over to get my antidepressants and my head starts spinning, i'm sitting on the floor so i shouldn't be feeling like this. i think it's happening. i'm dying.
"i'm sorry" i mumble
before the world goes black.
-
5 years ago; hero's pov;
i got the call again, josephine tried to kill herself again. i wish she'd just talk to me. she bottles it all up and then it ends up like this - i'm in the hospital again. this time is not as bad, she's not in a coma, she's not anything. she's just being watched because they can't let her go home.
there's only two people allowed in the room at a time and elizabeth and josh are in there. i feel so sorry for them, they must be so tired of it.. seeing her in pain, seeing her hurt herself over and over again. i'm tired of seeing my babygirl like this. i want her to be okay and it hurts me that i can't do anything about it. i want her to talk to me, i want her to open up about her feelings - i don't want her dead. my mom is looking after hayden, he can't see jo like this, he can't see his mom like this.. or me. jack is here and he looks a mess.
every time she tries to hurt herself, she is hurting everyone else with her. eliza and josh come out of the room, eliza looks exausted.
"can i go in?" i ask josh, quietly
he looks at me, gloomy eyes and nods.
i push open the door and jo is sitting there, attached to a few wires - not a lot.
she looks heartbroken.
i sit down in the chair next to her and take her hand in mine; i look up and our eyes lock.. she looks tired, she needs some sleep.
"i need you to talk to me" i say to my girlfriend of one year.
"i love you and i'm sorry" she says to me, her voice is raspy.
"you can't keep doing this to any of us.. it hurt"
josephine looks at me and she's about to cry, i let go of her hand and cup her face in my hands. i bring my face close to hers and kiss her soft, pink lips.
"please don't do it again" i mumble against her lips
"this is the last time" she whispers and kisses me.
this kiss.. there's something about it. like.. it's means something, all of our kisses mean something but this..
"i love you" i whisper
