i'm finally at home after spending four days in hospital. my body feels weak but i'm on bed rest and i don't really want to be but i need to get better.
hero has been so good with the kids and the house and with me and i genuinely am so thankful to have him in my life.
adam is at kindergarten and the twins are at preschool, it's kieran's nap time - he had lunch a little while ago and then had a bottle, he fell asleep on the couch so hero put him in his crib. he will probably be asleep for about an hour or two which gives hero and i time alone.
"are you okay?" my husband asks me, resting his head on my chest.
i nod my head and sigh, i'm so fed up of this.
"i'm sorry" i murmur, causing hero to look up at me - confused.
"for what?"
"for everything, i've done nothing but stress you out" i reply.
it genuinely does upset me that i stress him out so much, first it was the suicide attempts and my eating disorder, the death of our daughter - which i still blame myself for - , my eating disorder again and now this. sometimes i think that he'd be better without me and i should be alone because i do nothing but hurt people with my own problems.
"stop. josephine just stop. stop apologising, i love you. i am your husband, i will love you forever. you don't need to say sorry for something that isn't your fault, i'm tired of you blaming yourself for this because it isn't your fault. i'm not going to leave you if that's what you're thinking, it's only you" hero says to me.
i don't say anything, i just nod.
"i love you too" is all i manage to reply.
hero adjusts himself and moves his body next to me, he puts his arms out for me to cuddle him and i smile. i move closer to him, my head is rested on his side.
"it's us against the world" he mumbles and kisses my forehead.
-
hero has gone to pick the kids up from school, i'm still in bed and kieran is sitting down next to me - he's watching paw patrol on his ipad. i'm watching it with him because i have nothing else to do.
"i love you" i tell my son
he turns around and puts his small hands on my cheeks.
"wuv 'oo" he replies to me and moves his hands off of my cheeks.
a small smile grows on his face and he turns back around to watch his ipad.
"what am i going to do when you grow up?" i mumble.
-
my body feels slightly stronger so i decided to go and sit downstairs with kieran and he can sit with me and watch tv. i end up putting peppa pig on because kieran started crying when i tried to watch something else.
i hear keys shuffling in the front door which means hero's back, the door opens and then closes.
"hi mommy!" isabelle shouts and she has a happy meal box in her hand, i turn around and hero has a mcdonald's bag in his hand. i roll my eyes at my husband because i said to adam he can get it later on in the week and i know for a fact that adam asked hero and hero said yes straight away.
"we got mcdonald's" adam tells me happily and gives me a hug
"oh and who's idea was that?" i ask, chuckling
"dad said yes" adam says before running off upstairs
"belle and camila go upstairs and change your clothes and then eat your food" i say and the twins listen to me straight away.
hero lifts kieran up off the sofa,
"hello little man" hero says to our son and puts him in his floor seat thing, it has a small table attached to the chair which he loves because he can watch tv and eat - he doesn't like his high chair, he prefers to sit in that.
"i got you fries" hero tells our son and a smile grows on kieran's face, making his dimples visible.
he puts the fries on his table thing and leaves him to eat his food.
hero sits down next to me and places the mcdonald's bag on the coffee table.
"hi" he says before kissing me.
"why're you downstairs?" he asks
"oh i feel little stronger so i came and sat downstairs" i tell my husband before kissing him again.
"that's good"
i bite down on my lower lip as my husband places his hand on my inner thigh - 15 years later and i still get butterflies.
i hear my daughters footsteps coming down the stairs and i deattach my lips from from his and he frowns at me.
"later" i mumble and hero smirks at me.
the kids sit at the table and eat their food, i go over to the table and sit with them - it's been a while since my body felt this strong.
"i got you chicken nuggets" hero tells me and puts the box in front of me
"thank you" i say to my husband
"how was your day?" i ask my children
"the usual" camila casually replies, and i nod - she is so sassy and confident, i love it.
"i made you a card" adam tells me, my heart warms.
"i'll give it to you when i'm done eating" my son adds
"mommmm" belle says and i look up at her
"when are we getting a dog?" she asks me
"very very soon" i reply to my daughter
little do they know i'm adopting two dogs, well hero doesn't know and neither do the kids and i know if i ask hero if we can adopt two, he'd say no. but i know it's going to make the kids so happy if we have two dogs.
