we're at the hospital, today we're going to see our baby for the first time - i'm 4 months along, it's not much but i'm excited that we get to see our baby. hero is next to me with his hand rested on my thigh, trying to calm me. he knows i'm nervous, i keep expecting the worst to happen.
i pick up the bottle of water that is rested in my lap and take a sip of it. hero looks nervous but he doesn't want to say anything.
dr jeffery comes into the waiting room, he done adams scan and sophias.
"ms langford" he says, reading my name off of the clipboard. hero and i stand up from our seat and enter the room - it's dark.
"could you confirm your date of birth?" dr jeffery says to me
"18/08/1997" i reply to him
hero looks nervous as ever.
"lay down on the bed, lift your top up. i'm going to put gel on your stomach - it might be a little cold" he explains to me and i nod.
i look over to hero who is smiling at me, his smile eases my nerves slightly.
dr jeffery puts the cold gel on my stomach and turns on the monitor thing, he puts a white machine on my stomach and it makes a sound.
"there you can see your baby" he tells us both
i smile at the screen.
"is everything okay with it?" hero asks the doctor
"well as i can see, the heart rate, growth and everything else seems perfect but we can do some tests, it's completely up to you if you would like to do them. but for all of them, we'd need to take fluids out of your stomach so it would mean that the amniotic sac is at risk of bursting which can cause early labours" he explains to us.
i want to get them done but i don't want to put our baby at risk.
"how far along in the pregnancy would i have to get them done if i decided that i wanted to get them done?" i ask, wiping the gel off of my stomach with the thick tissue that the doctor handed me.
"hm in two weeks as you will be five months then so we would be able to tell"
-
we're in the car and we're driving home, hero said he's going to stop at target because i said i wanted sprite again and i also wanted to pick up a few things just snacks or whatever.
"i can't believe you" hero says, his voice is deeper than usual.
"what?" i ask my fiancé.
"that you want to get those shitty tests done"
i roll my eyes at him, is he being serious?
"it's not my fault i would like to know if there if anything wrong with our child" i mumble
"yeah tests that can fucking KILL our child" he's shouting at me now, i'm getting flashbacks from my dad shouting at my mom. even thought it was 14 or 15 years ago - i still remember it all yesterday. i don't like it when hero shouts at me.
"well i didn't think about that did i" i say to him, rolling my eyes again.
his eyes are focused on the road as we drive toward target, i'm sad now. i don't think he's going to talk to me.
we're in the target car park and hero is staring out the window, he stares at things when he's sad.
"i'm sorry for shouting at you" hero says to me, putting his hand on top of mine. i smile at the size difference of our hands, my hands are tiny compared to his.
"it's okay i guess" i mumble
"i won't get the tests done, i don't want to hurt the baby.. or you" i tell him
hero hugs me but the cup holder gets in the way, we both get out of the car and walk into the shop.
we have a shopping cart because i'm in the mood to buy lots of things. hero is pushing the shopping cart because when it gets heavy, i cannot move it for shit. when we enter the store, there's some cute space pyjamas and they have adams size so i throw them in the cart, hero rolls his eyes playfully at me because he knows that i'm about to buy the whole fucking shop.
hero's pov:
we're in target and our cart is nearly full, i think this has helped us get our minds off of things. we're stressed. adam is at josephines moms house, she's going to drop him off when we get home - which is so nice of her because i did ask if we should come and get him and she said no.
we're unloading the shopping cart into the back of the car and it's full, we brought food, adam some pyjamas, adam some toys and we found a new fruit bowl, jo brought a new mug. we ended up spending over a hundred dollars but i paid for it. i've ordered josephine a tiffany necklace that she wanted for ages, it's expensive and she wouldn't buy it because she said that she could "buy better things" with that amount of money.
-
it's one in the morning, josephine is asleep and adam woke me up because he said he had a bad dream so i sat with him in his room, we told him that jo is pregnant and he understands that jo has a baby in her tummy and that's about it. he's so close to me and i know that makes josephine so happy because she wasn't close with her dad and hayden or josh never had a father figure in their life, well until george they never but that was recent. we're talking about lego, we were supposed to surprise him with a set but i completely forgot - he liked his pyjamas and he got a slime making kit which made put a smile on his face even though jo wasnt so keen on the idea because we know he's going to make a mess with it.
i can't believe he is nearly three, he has grown up so quickly. i hear josephine in the bathroom.
"go to sleep, mommy is awake." i tell my son
"i love you daddy" my son says to me, kissing my cheek.
i smile at him
"i love you too" i say, leaving his room.
sometimes it hurts me because one day he's going to grow up and he's not going to tell me that he loves me anymore and he's not going to be my little man forever. he hates me calling him little, he said he's a big boy. i don't want him to be a big boy. thinking about him growing up makes me sad.
i open the door to our bedroom and josephine is under the covers, our bed is so big and she is so small which makes me smile. i climb into bed next to her and she turns around and i pull her body closer to mine. her body is perfectly fitted with mine, like a jigsaw puzzle.
her hair is in her face so i move her soft hair out of her face. she looks so peaceful
"i love you" she says to me, her voice is tired and soft.
my heart leaps.
"i love you too beautiful" i say to her, kissing her forehead.
in a few months, we'll have another baby. i never thought i'd have a family with jo, i got with her for a bet - fell in love with her and now i'm glad i placed the bet on her because we wouldn't have a family.
