i'm 4 weeks away from my due date and i honestly can't believe quick this pregnancy has gone so quickly and i honestly don't think i had enough time to cherish it. especially because i found out so late so it just cut a load of time off, if i get pregnant again i hope i notice. i wasn't actually showing until two months ago which was kind of sad but i have a massive bump now, i feel like a whale.
i recovered from my eating disorder a year ago, i'm so proud for myself - i haven't purged in a year and i don't have the calorie counting anymore. hero is proud of me too, i think a huge part of my recovery was hero. my mom helped too, she made me realise that i have so much to live for and purging is killing me slowly. my depression.
it's still there but i need to carry on, it's been a bit worse since my pregnancy but hero always lifts my mood - he knows how to make me happy.
hero is at work, he's got a shoot for a brand. i'm so proud of him, he's become a model and that's what he wanted to do. he's doing acting as well, im so fucking proud of him and i don't think i tell him enough how proud i am.
at the moment, i'm not working or anything because of how heavily pregnant i am but i decided to do acting too, i also want to publish my book about my life because maybe people will find it interesting enough to read.
right now, i'm watching suits on netflix and eating green grapes. i was craving them and luckily we had some, hero's so good with going to get me food when i'm craving it but i don't like telling him.
i rub my eyes and sit up, i'm in bed now. i'm not sure how i got here because i remember falling asleep on the couch but it's whatever. i check the time and it's nearly 7:30pm so hero should be home. as i enter the kitchen, the strong smell of chicken pasta wafts toward me.
hero is in the kitchen making pasta.
"hi baby" i say to him, kissing his lips
i sit on the stool that was tucked under the island.
"hi, im making us dinner" he says to me.
i rest my head on the table, i'm so tired.
i need to eat for the baby though. hero slides a plate of pasta, salad and garlic bread infront of me and a glass of water.
"thank you" i say to him, picking up my fork.
after dinner, for some reason - i had a random urge to make myself sick but then hero distracted me, he told me that i can do it and the baby won't be very happy with me.
i want the baby to be happy.
i want hero to be happy.
i want to be happy.
so i didn't do it.
and i'm proud of myself.
