i'm about to do something that i am going to regret but i would like closure. and i want to know why. i want to know why i was sexually abused, why i was mentally, physically abused. and i also want to know why he felt like it was okay to hurt my mom, he hurt all of us.
i want to know why he tortured me, called me fat, told me i need to starve myself. i want to know why he took away the thing that was meant to be taken by someone who loved me.
i found out my dads new address, i want to see him. i need answers. hero is watching the kids but he doesn't know i'm here, he would've stopped me and i need to go.
i follow the navigator thing on my phone and it says i'm one minute away.
my heart is racing, what if he hits me? what if he does something? i push those thoughts aside and park the car.
i get out of the car and walk toward the house. i take a deep breath and then knock at the door.
a little girl opens the door, she looks like she's the same age as adam.
"uh hi is micheal here?" i ask the little girl, i wonder why she's opening the door. she's only little.
micheal his name makes my stomach ache.
"dad someone's here for you" the little girl shouts, her voice is sweet, she's wearing a cute pink dress and her hair is in bunches. no way that's his daughter, she's so cute.
i hear footsteps coming down the stairs and that's when i see him. i nearly puke when i see him, i have never been so terrified in my life.
"el?" he says, he looks happy to see me. i want to break down and cry, i need to stay calm. he never used to call me josephine. he used to call my by my middle name, eliza. when i was 2 or 3, we had a good relationship - we were close.. that's what my mom told me.
"come in" he opens the door and i step inside. the little girl disappears. his house is so beautiful, the decor is impeccable.
i follow him into the kitchen and i awkwardly look around.
"take a seat" he gestures to the table, i pull out a chair and sit on the edge of it.
he has changed, he's not the drunken mess he used to be. i never wished him any bad on his life, even though he nearly murdered my mother when she was pregnant with hayden and even though he raped me.
i'm not sure what i'm doing here, i look around and there's a picture of him with another lady.. maybe his wife? i hope he doesn't abuse her. in the picture there's the little girl that i saw earlier and a boy, he looks a bit older than josh. and then there's a teenage girl.
the woman is very pretty.
"do you want a drink?"
i shake my head.
do you want a drink? no but i would've been nice if i had a normal childhood and i wasn't raped at the age of 11.
he takes a seat on the chair nearest to mine and i fidget with my ring, it's not my engagement ring because i took it off a few months ago when hero and i split but it's the promise ring he gave me before he engaged to me. i didn't take that off because i didn't want to let go of him.
"how're you?" he asks me
"oh you know depressed, got an severe eating disorder" i sarcastically reply.
"oh" he mumbles, he knows he was the reason that i have an eating disorder.
he knows.
i place my hand on the table and i tap my fingers on the glass table, i feel like i'm going to have a panic attack or something. i take a deep breath and try to calm myself, i am not going to cry.
"you're married?" he questions me, i look down at my ring and smile.
"engaged, yes" i tell him.
he doesn't need to know the ins and outs, ill just tell him that i'm engaged. well i kind of am but i'm not even sure.
"so did you re-marry?" i question
"yeah i uh uhm, that zoë" he tells me, pointing at the picture
"that's her son, edward and her daughter sierra. and the little girl the child that we share, her names kylie" he rambles, i nod.
hm interesting, he has another daughter.
"how long have you been married" i ask
"i've been married for 14 years now, i practically brought up edward and sierra. edward is 15, sierra is 17 and ky is nearly 9."
i wonder why they decided to have kylie at such an old age, maybe they wanted a child of their own.
"how about you?" he asks me
"i've been with my fiancé since i was 16, i'm nearly 28 so uh we've been to together for 12 years" i tell him
"children?" he questions
"yeah i have a son, adam he's just turned 3 and then i had a stillborn who would've been 2 now - her names sophia and then two months ago i had twins, isabella and camila" i tell him, he looks interested in my life
"sorry for your loss"
i nod.
"how's your mom, alexa, josh?" he asks me
"they're all good, moms married again and she's happy, alexa is 31 and married now and she has a boy - oliver. he's a few months old" i tell him
"josh is 22 now, he's grown up fast. he still lives with mom though." i smile at the fact that josh is a grown adult now, he's not a baby anymore.
he doesn't know about hayden.
"you have another son" i tell him, his eyebrows furrow at me
"hayden, mom was pregnant with him when you left. he's just turned 16." i tell him, he looks confused
"oh" is all he manages to say.
i feel slightly comfortable around him, i'm not going to bring up the fact that he raped me. i'm not over it but i don't feel like i should mention it, i don't think he remembers either - i think he was too drunk to remember.
it's fine, if he's a decent person now then maybe my kids can have a relationship with him. my phone is buzzing, i take it out of my pocket and it's hero messaging me.
hero; where are you x
me; i'm doing errands, i'll be back soon baby xx
i put my phone back into my pocket and look back up at my father.
"can i see a picture of them?" i he asks
i pull my phone back out of my pocket and show him a picture that i took of adam the other day and then i showed him a picture of isabella and camila.
"they're so cute" he says, smiling at me
"she looks exactly like you" he mentions, pointing at belle.
"can i see your fiancé?" he questions
i scroll for a picture of hero and i.
"you look happy" he tells me
"i am"
-
i left my dads house and i just parked up at home. i open the front door and adam comes to give me a hug.
hero is sitting on the couch, he looks back at me and waves at me. i move and sit down on the couch next to him.
"helloooo" i kiss him on his cheek.
"how's your day been?" he asks me
"i uh went to see michael" his eyes widen.
"you did what?"
"went to see micheal" i repeat
"your dad?" he asks and i nod
"why?" he asks me
"i needed closure, i don't know i just wanted to talk to him" i say
"how was it?" he asks me
"uh i don't know, he was nice though. he has a new family and he's happy"
surprisingly, haven't cried which i'm proud of myself for.
hero nods and watches the tv, i think he's watching prison break.
"i just wanna know why he had to put us through all of that hurt" i mumble
hero looks at me and gives me a hug.
"i love you" he reminds me
"i love you too"
i didn't expect it to go the way that it did, it was alright and i hope that my kids can have a relationship with micheal. he seems like he would be close with them, i want him to meet hero and the kids.
i don't know if hero's going to be too happy with him seeing the kids yet.
