Hermitcraft stories

Failing (angst, gore)

Ok, so this is very angsty, and there is much gore in it. It has cutting, suicide and Hanahaki.

Words: 900
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I can't keep on for long I think, as I cough up some more soft sky blue petals, landing on my sweaty palms, slightly wet from my blood, from the roots crawling themselves into my lungs. I hold on to the once clean white toilet seat with one hand, brown, dried blood on it, as the small blossoms fall into the pipes which will pump it out to the cold vacuum of the infinite space.

I dream a little of the thought, bloody blue flowers in the endless universe, not really moving, staying out there forever, as a small remaining of my love for Bdouble0. Bdubs, the man I loved, I love, but I don't know how long can I keep loving, my death is getting close.

The small petals are coming more frequently and in larger and larger quantities. It all started with one little forget-me-not petal. I and Bdubs were dating at the time, but since that, I had faintly guessed this will happen eventually.

He didn't love me, he liked me as a friend, his heart wanted Keralis. So I let him go. At least he can be happy, with the one he loves, not having to suffer through what I have. I wish him the best, all I can do, while I'm alive in this place.

My doom is coming, unstoppable, and I don't try doing it either, I'll let it happen, I have to die. My thoughts are getting depressed, my body weak, I haven't eaten if the infusion I got doesn't count.

I don't sleep, I spend my nights in the bathroom, thinking about my love, what could I've done better. Did I do anything wrong, that he doesn't love me back? Probably, but I will never know.

My health is getting worse, I'm so often out of breath, and whenever I see or think about him, the small forget-me-nots are forming in my throat. They will be the end of me, I know, eventually, I will suffocate of them. I can't do anything about it, or I can but I don't want.

I want to keep my aching heart beating for him until it stops forever, but I won't let go of my love. It's the only thing that is me, without it I'd be a robot, a feelingless, heartless living, with no emotions, and I promised myself that my I will keep my love, everything it costs.

I come back to the present, as I have the stimulus in my throat again, and I cough up dozens of fully grown forget-me-nots. It isn't a big blossom, but it means much, that I can never give up my aching heart. My throat hurts, vines are cutting through it, I can't escape the sharp pains, as I puke up the blood.

Now the whole bathroom is soaked with the red liquid, as I cry out in agony, but the crew is sleeping and the doors are keeping the noise in well enough. I almost can't bare my pain from the wounds, but the mental suffering is worse. So if you can't beat them join them right?

I stand up, shivering from my weakness, and latch onto a razor on a shelf, before succumbing on the floor again. I take the blade in my hand, and I slowly move it to the bare skin of my left hand, pressing the cold blade to it, making smaller-larger cuts on my arm, waiting for the pain to take over me, and ease my mind off my thoughts. It's wrong, I know I'm supposed to bare my pin of love, but I'm weak.

I can barely feel the wounds hurting, so I go on, cutting all over my arm thighs, stomach, but it isn't enough. My hands waver as I take the blade in my left hand, blood is spattered all over the bathroom. My hand is shaking as I hold the warm bloody blade to my skin, pressing it close. But

I have to cough again, and the blade slips, deep into my skin trough an artery. Blood starts spilling out of the cut, faster than everything. The former numbness of pain goes away the aching of my body comes back, panic and horror take over me. I take the razor out of my flesh (a very bad decision) but now I'm losing blood even faster.

I try to stop it, quickly failing, my weak hands cant hold it on, and I give up. I lay on the floor, faltering, watching the oozing blood spilling down my arm wetting my already crimson clothes more, the puddle under me growing.

I made a mistake. I made a Terrible Mistake! I was supposed to take on my pain, to bare the agony, ache of my love, but I was weak. I let a blade, a stupid razor take my life because I was so afraid of letting the love kill me. I'm such a coward, I didn't fall from the disease of which I was supposed to. I should have died to Hanahaki, and to Bdubs, not a fucking blade!

My doom was written down, it was planned, I should have gone with it, accepting my fate but No, what have I done! I killed myself in the most pathetic way I could, from being afraid of the pain of loving Bdubs. My consciousness starts fading, and my vision is getting blurry, my breathing hitches and I gave in, with a sigh. "I am sorry that I failed to love you enough, Bdubs"