Reverse Dipcifica Oneshots

The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals

I just watched this and oh my goodness it's hilarious but very inappropriate. Which is why I'm using a scene that isn't too inappropriate. The video is posted above! Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy!

This is absolutely crazy! Dipper shook his head. "Okay, okay. . .okay. You know what? This is all too bizarre for me. I'm dreaming. Better yet, I'm still asleep! I just need some coffee. Just a regular black coffee. Nothing else added in."

He walked into the café and prayed that no more insanity ensued.

Dipper managed to keep his composure up until the moment he walked up the counter. "Hello?!" He demanded. "Hello! Please, God, I just want a black coffee!" He cried out.

The sound of music appeared much to his horror, and his favorite barista appeared holding a coffee pot, with a song in tow. "Blaaaaack coffee, I'm your coffee gal—"

"NO!" Dipper yelled, causing the girl to stop singing. "Oh God, please not you too, Paz!"

Pacifica laughed, "alright alright. I'll stop. Wait, I didn't forget, you're the guy who doesn't like musicals! Dipper, right?"

Dipper sighed, visibly relieved. "Pacifica, you're talking to me. Like a normal person."

Pacifica nodded, "yeah, and if my boss catches me, I'll get canned." She set the coffee pot down, angrily on the counter. "Yeah so um, new company policy; not only do we have sing when people tip, when they enter, when they order— all the time now!"

"Pacifica, there's something seriously wrong with the world today." Dipper nodded in agreement.

"Freaking tell me about it." She continued to make the coffee. "I spent the entire morning learning this dumbass new tip song. I'm exhausted."

"Pacifica," Dipper grabbed her hand and tore her away from the counter. "I feel," he started when they were a decent way away from the counter, "that something. . .sinister is infecting Reverse Falls."

She regarded him with careful eyes.

"And I know this is going to sound crazy, and not at all scary, but it is scary! If you think about the implications." He continued, and gripped her shoulders, "promise me you'll think about the implications!" He pleaded.

"Okay I promise."

"Okay. Pacifica, I think the world is becoming. . .a musical." He let go of her shoulders for a second.

"Um—"

"Don't say anything!" Dipper interrupted. "Let it sink in."

"Okay. Okay." She narrowed her eyes.

"Okay. Now." He sucked in a deep breath and grabbed her shoulders again. "Are you frightened?!"

She stared at him, a nervous expression on her face. "Uh, yeah, I think I am starting to get a little frightened."

"You should be!" He continued, nearly raving like a lunatic.

A bell sounded at the counter, someone had put a dollar in the tip jar. Two girls appeared at the counter, smiling crazily.

"Pacifica," they said in perfect pitch and perfect sync. "Tip!"

"Oh thank god," Pacifica said, wrenching herself from Dipper's grip. "Sorry, Dipper I have to do this dumbass new tip song, sorry!"

She went over to her coworkers, Candy and Grenda and took a deep breath. She hated this the most.

She went along with their dumb tip song, singing and dancing and all, annoyance plastered on her face. It was clear as day.

When she believed it was finished, she took a deep breath and sighed. Her relief was short-lived because the two girls continued to dance like there was another part.

Was there another part?

"What? What the hell is this?" She demanded, causing the music to stop, "a whole 'nother A-section?"

The girls stayed in their pose and smiled at her.

"Y'know, when I got this job," She pointed to herself, "I signed up to serve coffee and cold, shitty pastries. If I wanted to be in a musical, I'd be in a damn musical!

She watched as the girls continued to smile at her.

"That's right, Candy," she glared at the black-haired girl. "I was in Brigadioon in high school, and I freaking killed it."

The smiles were all the same.

"But now, I'm just trying to makes end's meet while I work my way through community college." She continued her rant. "And I can do that, across the street," she tore off her apron and threw it to the floor, "at Starbucks."

She stomped in front of the girls. "I quit."

They blocked her on her way to pass her. Both still speaking in perfect synchronization. "You can't quit, Pacifica."

She scoffed. "Yeah, I sure as hell can."

"The song's so simple, we'll teach it to you." They continued, "why everyone here will be singing it soon!"

All around them, the patrons who drank the coffee that was handed out to them starting coughing and gasping, and falling to the floor.

Pacifica was freaking out just a little bit. "What are you talking about?" She frantically looked around the café.

"They all had their coffee. Their apotheosis will be upon them at any moment!" The smiles were so full of saccharine. Their expressions grew harsh.

"What did you do to their coffee?" Pacifica raced over to the coffee pot and pulled the lid off. Inside, she saw remnants of a sticky blue goo. "Freaking gross!"

A more sinister version of the tip song began playing from out of nowhere. The girls advanced on her. "Get your cup of poisoned coffee!" They sang. "Your toxic cuppa joey!"

"We'll make a twisted cuppa Java, mocha latte with the goo for you Jack, Jack, Jack," they clapped aggressively at her.

"What is this?!" Pacifica demanded.

Dipper grabbed her arm and pulled her away from her deranged coworkers who continued to sing as if nothing were amiss.

"Hey, Mr. Business," they sang, several patrons joining in like they knew the song! Which they did! "How do ya, how do ya, how do ya dooooooo?"

"They're singing!" She yelled at Dipper. "Why are they singing?!"

"We need to run, Pacifica, don't hold back, just run!" He pulled her in the direction of the door, but the sounds still followed them.

"We'll make a double for youuuuu!"

"Hey, Mr. Business, and we'll bring it right up!"

Dipper pulled Pacifica out of the café and down the street.

"Why are they singing?! You were right!" She breathed out as they ran. "I didn't think about the implications!"