Friendship to Love (Life is strange fanfiction)

Inside Nathan's Mind

The next day Nathan didn't leave his dorm room. He hadn't slept that night either, he kept thinking about what he had done. Rachel was going to get hurt now, and it was all his fault. She actually listened to him when he told her not to call the police, and seemed to be staying away from Mr.Jefferson. She was trying to keep herself safe, and she was doing a good job of it, but Nathan messed it up. He thought because he helped Lily this would work out too, but it didn't.

This made Nathan start to think about when he first made the deal to help Mr.Jefferson. He had been a whole different person back then, his life wasn't great but it wasn't bad either. Nathan never saw much of his dad, and when he did his dad was yelling at him. Nathan only really had to worry about school, and he did pretty well in school. He was good at forcing himself to get through all his schoolwork, he would study hours on end until he had practically memorized the textbook and practice questions.

Now school seemed like such a minor thing. Nathan still did well in school, he got straight B's with the odd -A. Back then that was the only thing he had to worry about, not if he was responsible for drugging someone. Not watching what he says because he doesn't want his actions to be taken out on someone else. Not having to go to this creepy hidden room with a teacher, someone who was supposed to help and guide him, but instead of that he gets yelled at or hit by that teacher.

Nathan had no idea what he was agreeing to when he decided to help Mr.Jefferson. He had been so naive to think that he would just help Mr.Jefferson with simple things like taking papers to the office, or helping him figure something out on his computer, not helping him drug girls. It wasn't fair, Mr.Jefferson had known what he was doing when he did that, he had known that was what Nathan would think, but he still did it. Of course it wasn't fair though, nothing Mr.Jefferson did to anyone was fair. It wasn't fair what he did to Lily, it wasn't fair what he did to Kate, it wasn't fair what he did to Nathan and it isn't fair about what he is going to do to Rachel.

Then once TDR was built Nathan started to realize what he had gotten himself into. Over time he learned who Mr.Jefferson really was and what he really wanted. Nathan was sure that his dad also seemed to realize this, how could he not? His dad seemed to be pretty good friends with Mr.Jefferson, he knew about what was going on in TDR. Yet his dad didn't do anything to break it off with Mr.Jefferson, to get his son away from Mr.Jefferson. Nathan had known his father was bad, but he hadn't realized he was this bad.

When Nathan learned he had to drug Kate he thought he couldn't (though he proved himself wrong). That was probably the hardest thing he had done, though he wasn't sure if it would be the hardest thing he does for Mr.Jefferson. He felt terrible before he did it, he couldn't believe what he was doing while he did it. There hasn't been a moment after that where he didn't feel horrible about it.

That was what Nathan had spent the whole night and morning thinking about. He didn't care that he was missing his classes, he would probably just have to listen to Mr.Jefferson tell him he was being dramatic and it would be forgotten about in a week.

Usually, when Nathan was feeling terrible like this he called Lily, she reminded him that this was Mr.Jefferson's fault. So that's what Nathan did, he could use someone who understands what Mr.Jefferson can do to a person, to reassure him.

Nathan called her number, usually she picked up after the first 2 rings, but this time she didn't. He waited until he got her voice mail, and decided he would leave a message. "This is Nathan, I'm sorry I didn't sleep well last night so I can't remember what the sign was that Mr.Jefferson isn't listening in on this but he isn't. I just needed to talk to someone who understands the damage he can do. Like all the times before I can't tell you exactly what's going on, but I tried to fix something, and it only got worse. I hate that I can't get away from him, I have to do what he says or he will punish me. When I first agreed to help him, he made it seem like I would be doing little things around the school like carrying things for him or helping him with computer problems. It's just not fair, everything he does to people is so unfair, he has done things to people that will stick with them for the rest of their lives. It gets worse and worse, every time I think he can't be any worse of a person than he already is he proves me wrong. I was trying to fix something, but I just made it worse. Anyway sorry to dump this all in you, but I needed to get it off my chest. Thank you for listening to me. Bye."

Nathan spent the rest of that day in bed wishing he had said no that time Mr.Jefferson asked him if he would help him with a few things. Though unfortunately he can't rewind time, and would have to face what happens next.