After school, I decided to go get groceries for once and make dinner. It's Friday and I feel like this upcoming week will be a new start for trying to get better.
I decided I was gonna make spaghetti and salad. I bought the noodles and lettuce, the rest I had at home. I bought some water bottles and a pack of pudding.
When I got back to the register, I smiled at the cashier that was scanning my items. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, and a bit of stubble. He was good looking.
I bagged my things and walked out to the car. When I got home, I put the noodles in boiling water and started making the salad. I made a pitcher of detox water and set it in the fridge.
I decided to take a quick shower before dinner was ready, so I set the flame on the stove on low and got to the bathroom.
I stripped from my clothes and stepped in the tub. Quickly, I washed my hair and slathered my body. After I was done, I stepped out and dried myself.
I brushed my hair out and changed into my pjs. I turned the stove off, seeing that the noodles were done cooking. I drained the water out and put the noodles in a dish. I put the sauce on top of the bare noodles and grabbed a plate for myself.
I set the salad on the table, a long with the pitcher of detox water. I grabbed a cup from the cupboard and poured myself a drink.
I ate slowly, at first I was counting my chews but I made myself forget about it and eat normally. I found myself relaxed and before I knew it, the food was gone.
I chugged the rest of my water, and smiled. I honestly was very proud of myself. I'm getting better.
I checked the time and realized I still have a good hour to talk to Cal. I quickly dialed his number into my phone and waited for his voice to chime in through the speaker.
"Hey!" I smiled and got under the covers.
"Hey babe what are you doing?" He asked, I heard shuffling on the end of the line.
"I just had dinner and I am laying in bed." I grinned. I feel good to say that.
I just had dinner.
"That's good baby. So I should be having a few days off soon."
"Oh that's good." I nodded.
Calum's POV:
"Oh that's good." I chuckled.
"Yeah. I'm taking a vacation off." I was trying to be as clear as possible to tell her that I'm going over but she's not taking a hint.
"That's good. You get to relax." Wow Viviana.
"Yeah." I chuckle.
"So I met Zayn's girlfriend and she's so cool." I smiled. I'm glad she's making friends.
"That's great!" I heard her hum. "So how have you been?" She's trying to get better. I can tell. She sounds happier.
"I'm good. I've been eating lately and I'm making friends and works good. My grades are good. Everything's good." I found myself grinning at how good she's doing. I'm happy she's happy.
"That's great baby."
Viviana's POV:
"Babe I have to get to work so I will call you soon. Be safe and be good. Don't talk to strangers I love you so so so much."
"I love you to say hi to the guys for me and can you ask Madz to text me please." I haven't been able to get a hold of her lately.
After our phone call, I decided to get to bed earlier so I could catch up on rest. I quickly fell asleep at that.
~~~
I spent most of my Saturday morning cleaning, organizing, and even playing a few rounds of just dance.
I ate breakfast and got ready for the day. I'm not sure what I'm doing today but I felt like getting pretty..or decent.
I made plans with Perrie to go to the mall and grab lunch. I feel good.
~~
"Dude that guy's looking at you." Perrie shoved me slightly enough for me to turn over. He had dark hair and light eyes. He was good looking.
"Eh. " we giggled and decided to get into a different store.
Perrie is such a genuine person. She's good for Zayn and they make a cute couple.
After we hung at the mall, we decided to get lunch at panda express. I wasn't sure if I felt like eating this but I took a few bites of my egg roles and noodles.
I didn't feel so great so we went home early. I just think my body isn't comfortable with this type of food yet and that's why I feel this way.
When I got home, I got to the bathroom and up came my lunch, my body s so used to throwing up anything that I try to eat, that it has trained itself to do it for me.
I watched a movie and tried to keep my mind off of food. I will try again tomorrow.
When I glanced at the clocks, it read 8:20 pm. I ended up taking a bath. I played my music and shut my eyes. It felt good to relax.
A few songs played that reminded me of Calum, bringing a smile to my face. I'm glad he's taking a break off work. He's been working a lot and he needs to relax.
After my bath, I watched tv for a good hour or so...until my stomach growled. I decided to ignore it but it got louder and louder.
I should eat.
I grabbed a few things to make a sandwich. I ate in the living room but I didn't feel full. I grabbed a bag of chips without thought, then cereal, then a banana, and soon enough I was realizing how much food I consumed.
I looked at all the dirty dishes and took in the scene. I felt disgusted. I shouldn't do it but it's the only thing that comes into mind.
I walked into the bathroom and started taking my toothbrush, sliding the bristles against the back of my tongue.
The food would not come up.
I did a few jumping jacks, I tried spinning, putting my fingers down my throat, I nearly tried everything but nothing happened.
I started breathing heavy and freaking out. Tears pricked at my eyes and soon enough they were rolling down my cheeks, ruining my make up.
I glanced at myself in the mirror and I nearly punched the reflection. It's so disgusting.
I couldn't stop crying. I was getting better. I felt it. I was proud.
Well I guess I always do duck up everything for myself.
I sat in bed, rolled up in a ball, crying. I hate myself so much.
I'm disgusting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Okay I'm sorry it's not long but the next chapter is the last chapter and its going to be fucking longggg and I'm sorry for not updating recently. And if any of you actually read this for the next chapter LISTEN TO GIVE ME LOVE BY ED SHEERAN ON REPLAY PLEASEEEE)
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