His Dark Angel | DARKNESS SERIES #3 ✔️

Chapter 61 Jason's POV

She still wont speak to me.. Fucking Angelica! How can I fix this if she won't talk to me? I can't lose her. I refuse to let what's happening in my head affect my marriage. I know I love Angelica. So what are these feelings I have for Stacey? My wife's sexy as fuck but there's still just something about Stacey that I feel like I have to have. And that's the fucked up part. I stand there with my head hitting off the cold tiled wall trying to stop my thoughts of her. I need to stop. But how. And I don't know if I can. Or want to.. Fuck!
I quickly wash my body and run my hands over my hair and turn the shower off needing out of this torturess place.

Standing in the mirror looking at my sad reflection I sigh and walk out Liam's bedroom. As that's where I slept lastnight. Well I say slept I spent most of the night tossing and turning listening to my angel cry herself to sleep. My heart hurts and feels heavier today and I don't know what to do. But all I do know is that I need my angel to talk to me. I need her to forgive me for having these feelings for another woman. I can't lose her..
Walking into the kitchen I see no one and I sigh to myself. That's depressing in its self. I miss the laughter and my family.
I need to stop my feelings for Stacey.
I should of kept it to myself. What was I thinking opening up to her like she's not the most honest and loyal person I've ever known and hoped she wouldn't tell Liam for me. But why would she. I've been nothing but against there relationship from the begin, wanting her for myself. Fuck! I need to stop. I put the kettle on and do my usual morning routine of coffee and checking my emails and I hear Lexi cry so I jump up and jog to the sound coming from the living room.
"What do you need?" I ask Angelica and she sighs.
"Nothing, she won't latch. She wants a bottle" she says sounding emotional.
"I've got it" I tell her and jog back to the kitchen and grab a bottle from the fridge and heat it in the boiling water I just used. After a little while I check it to be the perfect temperature and jog back into them.
"Here you go angel" I tell her handing over the bottle and she just takes it without looking at me and starts to feed Lexi. Have I ruined this? I walk back into the kitchen and grab my cuppa and take it into the living room.
"Can we talk angel, I need to know I haven't lost you" I ask her feeling my heart pound in my chest. And she just ignores me.. Fuck!
"Baby, talk to me please, I love you" I tell her and she still ignores me and just stares at Lexi.
"Shall I leave?" I ask her willing her to speak and say no. But still nothing..
"Angelica, how you expecting to sort anything if you won't talk to me baby" I ask her but still silence.
Suddenly hearing the door open and running little feet.
"Mummy, Ace" Ruby says excited and I smile at her. She will always be a light in my life.
"Hi prinny, did you have fun with Mya" I ask her and she nods at me grinning. At least someone had fun.
"Sorry I took her without saying bye love. That's my bad" Liam suddenly says as he walks in and I hold my breath ready to see her. But when he takes a seat and she doesn't appear my heart drops. Why wouldn't she come? I watch Angelica get up with Lexi and hug him.
"I think I would of done the same Liam, it's OK" she tells him and he smiles down at her. So she does fucking speak. Just not to me.
"I'll let you two talk" she says and walks out the room holding Rubys hand and Lexi in her arm asleep .
Liam takes a seat in his usual spot and stares at me but I can't bring myself to look at him so I look anywhere but at him. And I don't know what to say.
"Tell me what's actually going on in your head, no more lies Jason" he says and I sigh.. Here we go Jason.
"Everything that's probably going on in yours" I tell him but I know Liam he's probably going wild with his thoughts. Fuck I shouldn of said that. I look at him and he's clenched his jaw. He has no idea the thoughts I've been having and I don't really want to go into them. All I know is what happened in the shower will stay in my head I will not be telling him that. Ever!
"Use your words Jason, because if I go off what's in my head, talkings done. We're done" he says and I look at him. What the fuck does that mean. We're brothers. We'll never be done.
"Brother I'm sorry, I hate that I feel like this. I can't help how I feel" I tell him and put my head in his hands. Fuck man.. I hate this shit. Why do I have to feel like this.
"Do you love her?" he asks me and I think about it. Do I love her? I don't think it's love. I love my wife.
"I don't love her brother. It's more lusting after her" I tell him honestly and he sighs releasing his breath heavily. It's not what I want to feel but it is what it is I like her.. Alot.
"Do you want her instead of your wife?" he asks me and I know I only want my angel.
"I only want Angelica, I love my wife. This is just messing with me. I don't know what to do" I tell him and he sighs now. I know he's trying his hardest to control himself and I'm thoroughly grateful for that.
"So you don't love or want to be with Stacey" he asks me and I think about it feeling differently.
"No, it's nothing like that brother, I want my wife. My family" I tell him and run my hand through my hair..
"So what do you want then, you wanna fuck Stacey" he says and I feel myself go all fuzzy thinking about fucking her. Hearing her moan my name. Fuck!
"I don't know, there's just something about her that I can't shake. It's driving me insane" I tell him and sigh. What am I going to do..
"So what's actually on your mind.. What do you think about? Don't fucking lie" he says and I just look at him.
"What Henry made you think about Angelica" I tell him putting my head down and I hear him stand quickly. Fuck shit!
"You've being imagining being balls deep in my fucking wife. How her sweet pussy tastes on my tongue, how her nipples look and what she'd feel like riding you to oblivion" he says pacing trying to stay calm clearly.. But I can't help the low growl escape my lips. He spins his head obviously hearing it. Fuck. But he's not wrong. I think about it all. I want her. He just made it clear in my mind. Shit!
"Jealous brother?" he mocks me and I sigh sitting back. Clearly brother. I want to do all them things to her. But I can't. And I won't.
"Yes, you know what I fucking am OK. I said it, you happy?" I yell and drop my head. Why did I just admit that to him.
"How could you do this to me of all people.. To Angelica your god damn wife who's hot as fuck.. What's wrong with you Jason" he asks me and I look at him. I don't fucking know. It just happened and it's getting worse. I need to stay away from her but everything in me wants to be around her. Then I think of what he did.
"But it was OK for you to be thinking about fucking my wife yeah? And how you asked her if she wanted to fuck you" I say and he laughs. Why the fuck is he laughing. It ain't funny.. None of this is.
"I've never lusted after or had inappropriate thoughts towards her. You knew Henry was dripping in my ear. I'd never do that to you, Angelica's like my fucking sister" he says and I shake my head. OK so he has a point, but still I've done nothing other than keep this to myself for ten god damn years. I needed to let it out. But wait..
"And when you actually did fuck my girl.. Remember Krystal?" I ask him tilting my head at him. Yeah I took it there brother. You actually fucked my girl and I forgave him regardless. He's my brother for life.
"You know why I did that. Why you dragging up the past Jason. I did that for you. I didn't like her. You practically froth at the mouth at my wife's name let alone her being infront of you" he says and I just sigh and shrug. His is alot worse. I don't care.
"Either way it happened. I don't enjoy feeling like this and losing everyone but it is what it is" I tell him and he sighs.
"So if your gonna hate me then do it. You can't hate me more than I hate myself" I add and get up. Needing away from his hurt face.
"Don't walk away from me Jason. We're not done" he says and I stop and sigh. I just need to be away from this already.
"What more is their? I imagine alsorts of fucked up stuff OK, she's constantly on my mind god damn it and I can't change that. You hate me, my wife hates me and I'm betting Stacey does too. So I'm gonna go upstairs to pack a bag and leave for abit." I tell him just standing there.
"Your just gonna walk out on Angelica. After everything. You have a fucking kid Jason." he says and I sigh.
"You think I don't know that. She won't talk, just sits there and spaces out or busies herself with Lexi. I don't know what else I can do. So yeah untill she wants to talk I'll be staying away" I say and I feel myself becoming even more sad when I think of all what my feelings have caused. My wife if she even forgives me will never trust me around Stacey again. But I don't trust myself. Look at the car ride I let my guard down with her opened up and now look where I am.
"I did this so I'm dealing with the consequences" I tell him and he just looks at me. I'm right.. and this is the consequences of my feelings for Stacey. What do I do?
"Don't walk away when I've come here to talk to you about this calm and in control after what you've just said aswell. I don't think so, sit the fuck down or I'll follow you upstairs. Your choice" he says and I sigh debating what to do but I just turn and drop on the sofa. What's the point.
"I understand this is hard for you with how sensitive you are bro. But imagine how I'm feeling with my issues. I look at you and I just feel pain and anger. It doesn't feel like I'm looking at my brother" he says and that hurt to hear. I will always be his brother. No matter what. I drop my head down feeling worse now.
"Please stop talking like that brother, you don't mean that. I'm still here and I'm still your brother. I'm sorry I don't know what else to say other than that" I tell him and look at him and I can feel my eyes water. Fuck.
"I feel your pain. I see your pain and I hate it brother. But what are you expecting? Your crushing on my wife.. Hard. That can't roll you know this" he says and I nod slowly. I already know all this. But I can't stop.
"I'm really fucking trying Liam. I was glad when you turned up on your own. But at the same time bummed because a part of me wanted to see her" I tell him and he takes a deep breath closing his eyes. I think my honesty is a little to much for his beast. I can see him fighting it.
"I can't reply to that right now. But where do we go from here?" he asks me unsure of our relationship clearly. Fuck I can't lose him. I look at him and he suddenly smiles.
"I won't lose you my brother. I need you" I tell him and he rolls his eyes.
"All I know is right now we need to be separated.. You can't be trusted around her. And you need to sort your fucking head out about Angelica because she loves you Jason" he tells me and I know he's right deep down. and I sigh. Fuck man.
"I don't wanna be around you period. But Shane needs dealing with. So I will be by your side for that and only that. Because I can't trust you any more" he says and that hurt to hear again, how can my brother say that to me of all people. There's no one else in this world that will have his back like I do. Why is he being a dick. I'm his fucking brother I can't lose him I'll have no one
"Fuck! It's in my head Liam, I wouldnt cheat on my wife. I wouldn't do that to you or her" I say and stand up pissed
"Will you make your fucking mind up. Your down and out or your angry and up." he tells me and laughs. Why the fuck is he laughing again. And he needs to leave my issues out of it.
"You just said you can't fucking trust me. Obviously I'm fucking angry. You can trust me with your fucking life brother. Don't say that dumb shit" I yell at him stepping forward. He raises a brow at me and I see his eyes trying to change. Fuck! Not now.
"Back off bro, and calm down" he warns me eyes closed still trying to centre himself..
"Take what you said back, you have to trust me. I'm your fucking brother" I tell him and he sighs and looks at me. Please just chill out and don't leave me.
"Sit down Jason" he tells me and I hesitate I'm not gonna back down from him but I don't want to send him into beast mode fuck.
"Sit. Down. Now!" he raises his voice and I stand my ground.
"Take it back and I will" I say needing to hear him say it first. and he just laughs at me humorless..
"If I took it back I'd be lying.. I'm not you brother" he mocks me sarcastically and I take another step towards him. I need to get closer to get through to him.
"I know I'm in the wrong but your taking it further. Trusts a big thing and you know it Liam." I tell him taking another step to him.
"I need you brother, I need you to help me through this. I can't do this alone. It's always been me and you" I say to him needing him to listen to me.
"Everything we've been through together. I need you to forgive me brother. I love you" I tell him just about to take another step again but he holds his hand up. Please just fucking forgive me. I need Liam. I can't do any of this without him. He saved me and this is how I repay him. Fantasising about his wife. Fuck. Now she's back in my head. No no no!
"I would never act on my feelings brother. I love Angelica and you to much. I promise" I continue and he sighs..
"Sort yourself and your marriage out first and that will give us some space and we will talk about us then. I promise, and I love you too bro" he tells me and that makes me happy to hear. I can't lose him. I won't.