With A New You

𝐶𝐻𝐴𝑃𝑇𝐸𝑅 𝐸𝐿𝐸𝑉𝐸𝑁

𝑆𝑈𝐾𝑈𝑁𝐴 𝑃𝑂𝑉

After leaving Megumi's place, I was left in silence with my own inner thoughts. I feel inane for doing what I am, playing these childish games with someone who is so vulnerable... someone who can be easily manipulated by someone like me.

Be honest?

Be truthful?

How laughable, what made him believe I'd follow through on such a childish request. Megumi is bright and yet senseless—no. That's harsh. Naive and credulous is more accurate, he wants to believe in me, that I am true to him. Now, I'm not going to break his heart. Probably just shatter and completely destroy his soul, break him down till there is no light shade of green in his still hopeful eyes.

I want his emerald greens to become dull and lifeless. Like a pretty doll that has no purpose other than to be used by its owner, however the owner see fit. After all, a doll is a toy. Megumi is my beloved toy, my one and only.

      Why do I think this way?

My feelings are new, anomalous for what is the normal for me. Is it fair to say I love him? Sometimes I ask myself, if you love him why do you want to take away his happiness? Isn't it obvious? It's because I love him that I want to hurt him the most.

Rage. Loneliness. Boredom.

He wants to escape the clutches of his overbearing parents, he wants to believe I will set him free and bring light to his life. I will. I will make him fall in love, I will bring exhilaration into his world. I will also hurt him, I know myself and I know how I handle situations that are too much for my emotions to handle. I've accepted my violent nature, selfishly I refuse to tell Megumi of this. Sadistically, I am curious to see the expression he'll make when I...

     "Sukuna?" A soft tone warms my body and I look up to see Megumi. I held my phone to my ear, too clingy to want to part. It's difficult but I can see his face just enough to remember why a part of me is steadily changing. The clear weather allows me to see the outline of his form. I see him wave, it's slowly and doesn't last more than three seconds. Already I want to get back in the elevator, go up into his ridiculously massive home and embrace his flawless, lithe body while he cries out my name.

"It's cold out here, how could you kick me out?" I use a voice that makes it obvious I'm pouty and upset. I have to continue to mythologize who I am to worm my way into his heart with its thorn barrier.

     "Hmm... be careful on your way home. Goodnight, Sukuna." Megumi didn't wait for my reply, he simply ended the call. He's by far the most difficult person I've come across. When I believe we've gotten close and I've moved up, he's sweet with his words but cold with his actions. How peculiar.

       I slip the phone into my pocket, getting into my black, ridiculously expensive car I have the club to thank for my share of the fight money.

     Taking his virginity was special to me, not because he trusted me or because he wanted to give it to me. I couldn't care about any of those insignificant feelings of his. It's special because I took something of his, something worth taking. I am dealing with an entirely pure body and soul, a boy as stunning as him... this is a rare find for me indeed. It's impressive, actually. My curiosity wants me to invade his personal information.

      What have you done?

        How far have you let someone have you? Kissing? Hand holding? No... no, I would know. You're a quick learner, impressively. You've never done that.

       His temper is hot, which isn't me speaking of his attractive appearance although I can go on and on about that. When someone has a harsh tongue, they have the strength to back it up. I'm not insulting his body, it's perfect in appearance. If he were to throw a punch against me, it might hurt although just a little. I could easily overpower him, I bet that brat that is around him could too.

My temper is short as well, I have no room to talk. He doesn't have to worry, I'll protect him from anyone who dares to attempt to lay a finger on him. I'll bash in someone's face if their is even a scratch or if they touch a thin strand of his hair. I don't care, I'm not afraid of the consequences of my actions. How can I call myself his lover if I can't even protect him? I can't protect him from myself but I can from everyone else.

      I hurt people I dislike, I break their bones and I could care less if I'm the cause of their death.

       I want to hurt the people I'm fond of, but I don't want to seriously injure them or cause their death. To be honest, I'm not fond of many people anyway so I can't say for sure what's possible and what I won't do.

      Violence with gentle tones feels like that's the best way to describe my love language.

      When I get home, I'm still engulfed by silence. I begin to miss Megumi's voice and the soft touches. Even when he pushes me away or gets annoyed, he's always so gentle as if he could break me by doing more. I laugh a bit, taking my shoes off at the entrance.

I want to be closer, as close as one can be with another person. I want to become one with him, I want him to be consumed by me the way I am becoming consumed by him. I worry what I'll do to keep him with me.

      Funny, he was the one who told me his emotions are all over the place and he doesn't properly understand them but I am the exact same way. I was just thinking about how much I want to hurt him but then when I'm in his presence all I can think about is how much I want to cuddle, how I would love for him to cup my face and kiss me softly with a smile.

      Fuck. I like him a lot.

      I'm all over the place. I sigh, changing into sweatpants, leaving myself shirtless. I begin my push ups, trying to figure out what I want. I've fucked more people than I can remember but none have ever corrupted my mind like this, never consumed my thoughts. I fuck them, I get rid of them, and I never think of them again.

Just thinking about doing that to Megumi.... enrages me. I don't want to do that to him. Shit, is this obsession? That's not healthy but fuck it, nothing I can do about what I feel now.