A Tale of Mischief and Mutants part 2

Bunkum

—-Loki—-

I wake up and have to remind myself that what we did last night wasn't just a dream it had actually happened and it was unbelievable. I turn my head to see Sam curled up beside me. 'Look at her, truly a goddess.' Observing her now along with my mind playing last nights activities back out for me is almost enough to make me forget about everything that happened with my Jotun form last night.

Almost, the anxiety comes scratching back from where I'd shoved it to the back of my mind I'd almost hurt her yesterday. 'What if it happens again?' I could tell her I don't want to try anything with it again. I know she'd drop the issue if I asked her to but part of me wants to master control over that form and no longer have to fear it, if that's even possible.

I'm suddenly filled with a rush of adrenaline breaking out into a cold sweat at a realization of what mastering my Jotun form will entail. I will likely have to transform back to it daily from now on else never gain any control over it. I don't know if I can do this every day I...

"Lo' what's wrong?"

Sam's woken up and is looking at me in worry.

"I don't know if I can do it, take control of my natural form."

She scoots closer to me and moves her head next to mine so she can look me in the eyes.

"It's ok if you don't want to do it again, I don't want you to feel like you have to do that just because I asked."

"I know, I know I don't have to but I want to, to have control that is, I just don't know if it's really possible. I mean perhaps it is but the chances of me gaining enough practice for control over it without hurting you... I just don't know."

She nods looking like she's having a realization.

"So you want control but you're worried about what you're going to have to do to get it."

I nod she's put it into words far more simply than I have. We move so we're now sitting up in bed as we talk. She thinks for a second.

"Well, you're so unsure because you don't know what to expect right? Have you ever read up on Frost Giants?"

"...only when it was taught in school, I was terrified of the creatures so I never sought out any additional information about them in my youth and when I got older it seemed to be irrelevant you know until..."

She nods.

"Maybe it's time you looked into it, I know information about Jotun biology is written down here in Tønsberg somewhere because the hospital was able to help you, you should ask for those books or records."

The thought of talking to anyone about Frost Giants causes me immediate and most likely externally visible panic. I shake my head wildly at the suggestion.

"No! No no I can't do that!"

'What would they think if I point blank reminded them of what I am?!' 'What would they do?!' Sam looks immediately regretful of the suggestion realizing that speaking to anyone about anything to do with Jotunheim, or Frost Giants just isn't something I do, ever. She puts her hand on my cheek stopping me from my frantic head shaking.

"Lo' honey calm down. It's okay, you don't have to if you really don't want to. You don't have to do any of this if you don't want to."

I nod shedding tears I gave no permission to fall. It's pathetic the amount of pure panic the mere suggestion has given me.

"I... I should though... maybe, maybe Thor can get them?"

She nods with a small proud smile.

"I'm sure he'd be happy to, do you want me to ask him to or do you want to ask him? We don't have to ask right away either if you need some time to think about this."

"I... I'll ask him, he should know about me gaining control over it, he could help... well he could at least try to help, be there for moral support and all that bunkum Johann went on about."

She grins in both pride and amusement at me.

"The fuck does bunkum mean?"

I laugh both at her crude wording of the question and at how innocent her voice sounded even when uttering a profanity.

"It's ridiculous."

"I know, what does it mean?"

I just laugh again before explaining myself more clearly, that the word bunkum is a synonym for the word ridiculous. Leave it to Sam to get me to laugh even after feeling such panic.