A Tale of Mischief and Mutants part 2

Hate It Less

—-Loki—-

Oddly I'm almost lulled to sleep in this form as I lay leaning against my wife. I never thought I could feel this physically comfortable in this form, I'm still repulsed by it's appearance but I'm somehow able to relax now knowing it won't just spontaneously hurt Sam. I'd never allowed myself to relax in this form before.

It doesn't feel all that different from normally relaxing aside my wife other than the fact that Sam keeps tracing the markings on my skin in apparent fascination. Her doing so isn't exactly uncomfortable in fact it feels quite nice. If not for the fact that it reminds me of the form I'm currently in I'd actually enjoy it.

Spontaneously Sam kisses one of the markings on my cheek which I know from the sudden rise in temperature on my face has involuntarily caused me to blush purple. This fact is confirmed by Sam giggling at me only causing another rise in temperature... okay, so maybe I do enjoy this, but only a little bit. I'm still hideous.

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Over the next week I pour over the books Thor gave me learning as much as I can about Jotuns and Jotunheim. I've even began practicing producing ice. The book was right about the ability being magic based and I was correct in my assumption that if the ability was based in magic then it would be relatively easy for me to pick up.

Looking back perhaps my Jotun heritage is why I was so drawn to magic from a young age. Magic came naturally while skills in fighting and weaponry required more time and effort to hone and gaining strength seemed impossible though not for lack of trying. The ice manipulation so far has gone well, I've even managed to manipulate the ice enough to create simplistic structures with it.

Nothing very ornate just basic shapes but I notice it's easier each time I practice. I still hate my appearance in this form and I wouldn't dare shift to it outside the privacy of our home. Sam has been, as she's always been, absolutely wonderful. She's the reason I keep trying, she's the reason I can even stand to spend time in my Jotun form. Something about how genuinely she adores it makes me hate it slightly less.

If she's so fond of it, it can't truly be as hideous as I see it as. Sam's been trying to talk me into speaking with Johann about all this. Part of me knows doing so would help immensely but a stronger part of me is afraid that letting him know what I am would drive him away. He's somehow helped me so much and I don't want him to abandon my case like my mandatory therapist did.

I don't think I could replace him as a therapist it's not an easy task for me to open up like I have with Johann. I don't think I could do it all over again, Johann would probably say that's because I'm still too guarded. I know I am it's just a hard mentality to abandon when you were used to fending for yourself anyway then discover nearly everything you trusted turned out to be false.

You're tempted to just close yourself off from all relationships, which I did for a while. Other than Peter and Thor I hadn't had anyone I let get close, other than mother of course but she didn't know half of what Thor and Peter know of my time after my fall, entirely my own fault. I could've opened up about it to her but decided not to because I was afraid of looking weak and I was angry because of her part in the lie I'd been told my whole life.

I scoff at myself thinking of it now. What was mother supposed to do defy the express orders of the ruler of the nine realms? Maybe, but it would've driven a wedge between them and I can understand now why she didn't. And as for my fear... 'Why was I so afraid of looking weak in front of the woman who's skirt I once hid behind?' I should have told her everything...

Now I've let Johann in and though he's paid to care it's still substantial to me that he does. I'm afraid he'll leave me to once again deal with the 'bag full of cats' that is my mind all by myself. Well... not quite all by myself, but though she's great at helping people with their emotions Sam doesn't have a PHD in psychology. I need someone who does so I can stay on top of all the issues I have.

I've been doing better and have been happier than I think I've ever been and it's a great deal in thanks to Johann. I don't want to backslide. I shake my head I'll continue debating with myself over this another time, I need to have a clear head for the conversation I'm about to have. Right now Sam and I are getting ready to go to her interview. She looks stunning in her Asgardian style dress but before I can become too enraptured by her beauty I notice how anxious she looks.

"We can always cancel if you've changed your mind, we can also leave at any point during the interview if you become uncomfortable."

We had managed to avoid signing any contract dictating we follow through with the interview. I made sure of it, being quite firm on the matter when I spoke with the show's producer on the phone. Sam needs to know she has an out if she wants one.

"No I'm okay I'm just nervous. ...it's going to be hard to talk about."

She looks down to the floor at this statement obviously a bit overwhelmed by nervousness and by the memories that are surely swirling through her mind, I step closer and gently lift her chin up causing her to look at me. She smiles slightly taking in my expression of concern. I smile back.

"I know mortal... it's alright. I love you."

Her cheeks flush red and she backs up a step a fuller smile invading her face.

"How am I still just as flustered over that as the first time I heard you say that?"

"Because I'm still just as incredibly handsome and charming?"

She laughs and I'm glad I've succeeded in easing her nerves.

"That you are, just as humble too."

"Indeed."

She scoffs slightly before smiling again.

"I love you too, trouble."