The Look Of Hope

Chapter 38: Ti Amo

In the master bedroom, Mary and Bobby had a long-overdue discussion. He told his wife about going to the bar, after dropping the college kids off. He told her about the girl who kissed him on the neck and then tried to kiss him on the mouth. He told her about everything.

"Why did you stop?" Mary wanted to know. These things are hard to hear, but they need to be voiced out loud, or else they'll fester. 

Massaging his neck, he stated the truth. "Because I saw your face. And when I saw your face, I knew if I didn't stop I'd hurt you. So, I couldn't. I couldn't because I love you more than my selfish desires (even though I was pretty selfish)." He turned away from her and watched the curtains blow with the breeze of the wind. "In your letter, you asked a few questions. I have an answer. Our marriage, our relationship, means more than other women and perfume. It means more than blueberries and material stuff. It means everything and I'm a fool for letting myself get in the way."

He knows how close he was to doing something to cause him to lose everything that matters most. Turning back around, he looked at Mary's hurt face. "I just want your forgiveness. I know you're disgusted with me. I'm disgusted with myself. And you're probably mad as hell. I would be too. If you want me to, I'll go sleep in another room. I'll do whatever you want in order to get better. I want us to get better. I want our marriage to be better. Just tell me what you want." He opened his hands out to her, palms upward in supplication.

As difficult as this is, it's not all his fault. He shouldn't shoulder all the blame. "Robert, this isn't all your fault. I bear some blame too."  He tried to interrupt her, but she shushed him. "It's true. I let my blueberries come between our date nights, our time together. It's just the irrigation project and the blueberry farm has been the first time in years I've actually used science. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I started engineering the system, with Mr. Evans." 

She sighed with longing. "I just want to leave a legacy of something that matters, for our children. I want to do something to make them proud, make you proud. Sure, dancing is fun but in the big picture of life, it's not important. But the blueberry farm, that could last through generations. It can do some good in the community too. When the girls are older, I can see them helping me. And the fact I get to do this with your Mom really makes it a family project, given to us with love from my Aunts. I want to make them proud with what we've been given." 

Her eyes watered. "It's easy for you. You get to win souls and help people every day. You're already leaving a legacy of faith. I wanted to join you in that legacy, and contribute something of my own. I'm sorry I neglected you  and our relationship." 

Coming to stand by his wife, he touched her arm and she turned into his embrace. His eyes watered too. "Mary, you already make me proud. You make the girls proud just by being their mother. You have a lot to be proud of. I understand what you're saying. I'm just sorry I didn't see it until I read your letter. But you don't have to apologize, because I bear my own portion of this mess."

He rubbed her back and rested his head on top of hers. "I think we got out of the habit of communicating with each other, and it pushed us to other things." He let go of her and walked over to the leather club chair. 

Sitting in it, he spoke. "When we don't communicate we get lost. I support you in everything you do, big or small. But I can't support you if I don't know." 

She followed him to the club chair and sat on the ottoman. "In the future, I promise to share my intentions with you. I want the same from you. If you're feeling lonely or feeling like your needs, in a certain area, aren't being met tell me."