The Look Of Hope

Chapter 55: After Dinner

Following Jimmy's confession, the women ran after Gwen. The guys stayed gathered around the table. At first, they were too shocked to speak (except Bobby he already had a feeling about this). Once they had absorbed the information they were given that changed.

"Why would you do a thing like that Man?" asked Johnny. He can't believe his longtime friend would do such a thing. He even hated cheating on tests in school.

While Johnny asked the question they all wondered about, Dutch stewed. Angry doesn't cover how he feels. He, himself, is many things, but he's not a cheater. Cheaters disgust him. It's going to take a lot for him to hold his tongue. 

The guys stared at Jimmy waiting for a response, to the million-dollar question. He gave them an answer. "Why did I cheat? You all ask like I wanted to as if I premeditated it. Like I'm some evil person." Jimmy tapped his fingers on the table.

"Look I  guess, I was kind of like Bobby.  After Gwen had Logan, she grew disinterested in me. She grew disinterested in sex. I told her how I felt, but..." He looked at Bobby.

"You're married to a stinking saint. She actually listens to you, when you tell her how you feel. She forgives you. You talk things out together. And I've never heard her raise her voice to you, not even one time. Maybe she does behind closed doors, but in public it's a different story. You respect each other. It's clear Gwen and I don't." He stared off in the distance thinking about things.

Raking his hand through his hair, Bobby couldn't help but feel like here we go again. Why this is almost the same as the time, at the hospital, after the car wreck. Jimmy compared their two situations then too and it did not end well.

Exhaling a breath, Bobby opened his mouth to speak, but Tommy cut him off.

"First of all Man, it's not always about sex. I mean if she had just given birth, her body has to recover. It takes time and recovery is different for different people." He shook his head, disappointed in his longtime friend, but continued on.

"And second of all, how do you know she didn't want to be with you? Maybe she was having PPD. If you want to bring Mary into this, then let's talk about that. We all know what she went through after Lydia was born." He turned and glanced at Bobby.

With all eyes on him, he decided to be authentic. If they're going to have an honest discussion, it needs to start with him.

Swirling the wine in his glass, he began to talk. "Yeah, Mary had PPD. It was bad. I haven't shared all the details because it's my job to protect her. But after Lydia was born, she was severely depressed. She didn't want sex with me either."

He sighed a sad sigh of remembrance. It's sad for many reasons: for Lydia, for their relationship strain, for his lack of understanding, and mainly for his wife.

"I had no idea what she was going through. She didn't know either. She just knew she wasn't right. Her mind is telling her one thing, but her body another. The two were disconnected. It sounds crazy, but that's how she felt. I thought it was me, that she didn't want me, that it was something I had done. But she did want me, she just couldn't engage. Again I was so wrapped up in myself. I didn't understand until I was forced to." He massaged his neck.

"PPD is a big deal, Man. It's no laughing matter. And it affects women differently. Who's to say Gwen wasn't experiencing some form of PPD? Jimmy, you can't compare your relationship with your wife to mine with Mary. They are both two very different people, just like we are." Jimmy needs to get that through his thick head.