His Passerine // Bucky Barnes // 18+

46. Open Threats.

I'm in my house in the hills
with the reaper
And I wonder if he knows
what I've done
I've got the keys and
I'm going off the deep end
Doesn't hurt when
you're doing it for fun
Am I in your way?

~The Reaper.
(By: The Chainsmokers, Amy Shark.)

After a rollercoaster of a day, Rease went to sleep in Bucky's former room. Bucky and I were laying on our bed, cuddling to sleep. But I was far from it. My brain was running like a thousand miles an hour, millions of my happy childhood memories were shattering down by one single incident.

My birth mother was alive all this time and she didn't even care enough to come back to her daughters. All those outings, movies and games we used to play when we were kids, it was all a lie.

Tears were streaming down my face and over Bucky's metal arm. Trying not to make a sound while crying your heart out is one of the hardest things to do. I sniffled, wiping my eyes.

"Doll, you want to talk?" Bucky whispered, pulling my back closer to his chest. I wiped my face hurriedly, flinching a bit.

"I thought you were asleep." My voice came out all hoarse and throaty. He took a deep breath, shifting behind me, so that now he was half leaning on the bed post. I turned to lay on my back, looking up at him.

"I never sleep before you. I listen to your heartbeat, remember?" He said in a husky voice sending me a tight smile. I sent him a ghost of a smile, sniffling again. Hearing my heartbeat helps him sleep and relax.
"Yeah, it's- I couldn't stop thinking." I said in a gravel voice.

"Come here." He pulled me up to lay on his chest, placing a kiss on my temple, rubbing my arm and back. "Talk to me." He mumbled, kissing my head. I took his tags in my hand.

I inhaled deeply, exhaling from my mouth, calming down, so I could speak.

"When I first came in the tower and learnt about the technology... I used to spend majority of my spare time searching about my birth parents, you know, about the hotel they were staying in." I sniffled and gulped "The most I could find was a footage of them checking in and the attackers... That was it." I wiped a tear that escaped my eye.

Bucky was brushing my arm with his palm and nails, comforting me, his head was resting on top of mine.

"And after a while I made peace with the fact that they were never coming back and I moved on. Living with the memories was better and easier than this." Tears running down again over his chest. Not being able to control now, I let myself cry.

Bucky sat up, wrapping his arms around me, my hands over my face over his chest, his chin over my head. I started bawling my emotions out that I was bottling up the whole day.

"I can't Bucky I can't-" I cried, shaking my head.
"Shh shh shh, let it out. It's okay." He purred, moving his hands up and down on my back, caressing me.
"Why didn't she come back, sooner?" I cried into him "Did she never loved us?" I choked, and he hugged me tighter.

"I don't know, doll. I don't know." His voice was raspy and low.
Massaging my head, placing kisses every now and then, he held me until my eyelids started feeling like lead and I fell asleep in his arms.

***

I flickered my sore and crooked eyes open. My throat was sore as well, the skin of my nose was hurting from all the wiping the night before. Bucky was cuddling me, I was practically slept over his chest. Yawning, I rubbed my left eye.