Grian Oneshots

Incorrect Quotes 3

Mumbo: So don't panic but one of us is possessed by an owl....
Iskall: ....
Scar: ....
Xisuma: ....
Grian: ...Who?
Mumbo: That's the thing we don't-
*Everyone stares at Grian*

~

Grian: I've done a lot of dumb stuff.
Scar: I witnessed the dumb stuff.
Iskall: I recorded the dumb stuff.
Mumbo: I joined in the dumb stuff.
Xisuma: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!

~

Grian: Why isn't the statue smirking at me?
Xisuma: It isn't smirking at anyone, they're just imagining it.
Iskall: Three of us saw it, Xisuma. How do you explain that?
Xisuma: *points at Mumbo* Sleep deprivation. *points at Iskall* Paranoia. *Points at Doc* Delusion personality disorder.

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Xisuma: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell!
Grian, Iskall, Mumbo, and Scar, without missing a beat: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred brain cell!

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Xisuma: *visiting the squad* Hello, I just came to-
Xisuma: *sees Grian shoving Mumbo into the washing machine while Iskall records and Scar watches*
Xisuma: *retreating* Something suddenly came up.

~

Xisuma: Look guys, I need help.
Scar: Love help?
Mumbo: Financial help?
Iskall: Emotional help?
Grian: Help moving a body?
*Everyone looks at Grian*
Grian: What?

~

X: What's the worst thing you guys have done?
Bdubs: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade.
Mumbo: I kicked Iskall in the shin-
Iskall: -So I kicked Mumbo between the legs.
Grian: I burned a town down.
X: What!?
Iskall: What the hell is wrong with you!?
Grian: A lot of things.
Mumbo: No shit, sherlock.

~

Mumbo: Grian's refusing to wear his glasses!
Grian: Mumbo, look, I wore the glasses for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch.
Grian: *points at Scar* Scar.
Grian: *points at Iskall* Iskall.
Grian: *points at Cleo* Zombie.

~

Grian: What do rainbows mean to you?
Scar: Gay rights.
Iskall: There's money.
Xisuma: The sign of God's promise to never destroy the whole earth with a flood.
Mumbo: It is an optical phenomenon that separates sunlight into its continuous spectrum when the sun shines on raindrops.

~

NPC Grian: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?
Mumbo: Several traffic violations.
Iskall: Three counts of resisting arrest.
Scar: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.
Grian: Also, that's not our car.

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Grian: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.
Scar: ...Your what?
Mumbo: His friends.
Doc: Are they saying "friends"?
Iskall: I think they're being sarcastic.
Xisuma: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Grian, Mumbo! All your friends are in this room.

~

Scar: Hey let's mess with Grian, guys!
Xisuma: Hey, Grian, your momma so fat-
Grian: My mom committed multiple war crimes and now is locked in solitary confinement in a Bolivian prison.
Iskall: Well, uh- your dad-
Grian: My father left when I was 2 to be captured and consequentially sacrificed by a group of feral ferrets.
Cleo: The fuck-
Doc: Well then...
Scar: Stop, Doc!
Doc: Your grandparents so-
Grian: My grandmother floated into the sky like a balloon with too much helium when my grandfather spontaneously combusted.
Grian: You cannot best me, mortals.

~

Xisuma: You three, explain right now!
Mumbo: It was Grian.
Scar: It was Grian.
Iskall: It was Grian.
Grian:
Grian: ...Fuck.