Grian Oneshots

Incorrect Quotes 4

Grian: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.
Mumbo, used to Grian being dumb: Sure...
Grian: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
Mumbo: Okay?
Grian: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.
Mumbo:
Grian: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-
Mumbo: Jesus, that one is a little-
Iskall: No, no, Grian, keep going.

~

Iskall: And here we see Grian ans Mumbo in their natural habitat. Texting eachother variations of the words "garlic bread" to try to make eachother laugh.
Grian: Gaelic bread.
Mumbo: Grueling brad.
Grian: Ha ha, glamorous beans.

~

Iskall: Mumbo! What did I tell you about lying?
Mumbo, looking down: ...That it only works on Grian.

~

Iskall: Mumbo-
Mumbo: *sighs* Grian used to call me Mumbo...
Iskall: ...Because it's your fucking name.

~

Iskall: How are we supposed to put a tracker the size of a penny on Grian without him noticing?
Mumbo: Hey Grian, I bet you 5 diamonds that you can't swallow this penny.
Grian: *tales and swallows tracker* Pay up, loser.
Iskall: ...

~

Iskall: I mean. Grian's just standing there now.
Iskall: Waiting for me, I guess.
Iskall: But it's okay, I think he's pretty much settled down.
Mumbo: Settled down?
Iskall: Well, they only stabbed me once.

~

Iskall, seeing a banana on the car seat: What the FUCK??
Iskall, buckling the banana up: Fucking buckle UP, it's the LAW!

~

Grian: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

~

Grian: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it's "intelligent" and "really cool".
Grian: But when I do it, I'm "petty" and "need to let it go".

~

Mumbo: I'm feeling it! What am I feeling? Death, probably.

~

Grian: War is heck!

~

Robot Grian: I don't know the first thing about clothes. Pretty much all I can do is look at something and tell you if it's clothes or not. This chair? Not clothes.

~

Grian: I tried to write 'I'm a functional adult' but my phone changed it to 'fictional adult' and I feel like that's more accurate.

~

Grian: I'm gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive 23 spatial dimensions and fight my own soul!

~

Any of the architechs: Well, needless to say. Uh-oh Spaghetti-os.

~

Grian: Unfortunately, due to several experiences as a youth, I cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking' but it does sound lovely, thank you.

~

Grian: Just took a personality test and got an A+.

~

Grian: If I stay in bed I'll be warm. If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.

~

Grian: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

~

Mumbo: STOP!
*Everyone stops*
Mumbo: wAiT a MiNuTe-

~

Grian: I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on.

~

Grian: I came here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now.

~

Grian: No thanks.
Grian: I'm god.

~

Grian: I just learned a way to get stuff on the cheap. Steal it!

~

Grian, at the slightest provocation: I came into this earth screaming and covered in someone else's blood and I'm not afraid to leave the same way.