No Control-n.h

Chapter 42

LUCYS POV

It's been two months since Jade left, I can't remember the last time someone smiled on this tour bus.

The twins are due any minute now, I don't know when I will go into labour which is the scariest thing about it because all I keep thinking is; what if Harry isn't around that much when I do?

It terrifies me that i'd have to go into hospital without him being there. Just as I'm flooded in my awful thoughts he pops his head around the door giving me one of the biggest smiles i've ever seen.

"Morning angel," he grins, sitting beside me, kissing my tummy.

"They're due any day now," he says, resting a hand on the top of my tummy and gently rubbing over it with his thumb.

Quite suddenly, I feel a jolt in my side and immediately cover it with my hand.

"Harry, I think one's kicking," I say, moving his hand to the same spot.

"It is," he smiles, tears of happiness welling in his eyes.

"I love you," I whisper, a small tear falling from my eye.

"I love you more," he mumbles, pulling my chin forward with his finger and placing his lips against mine softly.

As he pulls away I feel an excruciating pain in my stomach and I groan in agony.

"Harry," I gasp, in between the pain.

"Whats wrong?" he cries, getting flustered.

"I think...I think they're coming," I shout as the pain begins to rise.

"What! What do I do?" He shouts, rushing to the phone.

"Get me up," I order, taking deep breaths.

"Ok," he says, rushing over and helping me off the bed where my waters break immediately.

"Harry take me to hospital now," I panic, tears sliding down my cheeks.

"Quickly come on i'll get the car to park up outside," He replies, holding onto me as every so often I nearly collapse in pain.

We had to postpone the tour and stay in America where I decided to have the twins seen as I couldn't travel in my condition. I just wish my parents were here.

"Hurry, it hurts so much," I cry out, holding onto my stomach.

"Don't worry I've got you," he softens, picking me up and carrying me out to the waiting car.

"Hospital and drive fast," Harry orders the driver, once we'd got in.

He begins rubbing my stomach as I hold onto his hand, squeezing the life out of him.

I scream, crying harder than before and try to remember my breathing techniques.

"I know, just breath and we'll get you to the hospital," he promises.

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I'm laid in a hospital bed, on my side, breathing through a tube for oxygen.

These twins aren't coming out to see the world anytime soon but they're causing me so much pain.

"Harry if I'd have known it was going to be this hard," I cry out, squeezing the life out of his hand as I take deep breaths.

"I know, I know but you need to keep going and do whatever the doctor tells you to ok?" He softens, kissing my forehead.

"It hurts. Harry I can't do this," I scream, holding onto my tummy.

"You can love. I'm here and i'm not going to leave you," he says, rubbing circles into my back as tiny tears roll down his cheeks.

"Just do whatever the doctor tells you," Harry insists, as he walks through the doors with two other nurses.

"Ok Lucy, we need you to listen to us and try do everything we tell you to so right now your fully dilated so we need you to push as hard as you can," the doctor orders and I grab Harry's hand.

Here goes.

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After endless pushing, I hear a tiny cry.

I look over at Harry with wide eyes as I see him begin to cry and look towards the bottom of the bed.

"Congratulations, your little baby girl is out," the nurse smiles, taking her to clean her up.

"One last push Lucy please," the doctor orders.

I do as I'm told and the relief kicks in, there's no more pain and I can finally relax.

But then, I don't hear crying, nothing at all.

"Why isn't he crying?" I ask Harry.

"I don't know," he mutters.

"Nurses I need assistance," the doctor shouts and one comes rushing over immediately.

"What? Why! Harry do something. Whats happening?" I scream, trying to sit up.

"Don't move," the doctor says firmly.

"Why? Tell me why I can't hear my baby," I whimper as tears sting my eyes.

Suddenly, everything goes silent, I peer over at Harry who seems to have gone white.

"Harry whats happened?" I ask, no reply.

"We're deeply sorry, but your little boy isn't alive. The umbilical cord has been wrapped around his neck," the doctor mumbles.

For a moment, it feels like my heart stops, I can't breath, my mind goes blank and I feel like I'm choking.

"No," I cry out, sobbing into the pillow as Harry wraps his arms around me.

'What about my baby girl?" I ask, sitting up, worried for her life too.

"She's completely fine, the nurses are cleaning her up," the doctor assures.

"Can I see them?" I choke, as Harry wipes away my tears with his thumb and I cup his cheek bringing our foreheads together, feeling his warm tears hit my thighs.

"Of course," a nurse says, walking to the other side of the room.

As she brings them back over, I cradle my little girl in my arms and the wonders and happiness that flood my body are indescribable.

"Harry look," I smile, my salty tears escaping my eyes.

"She's beautiful. Just like her mother," he chokes, gently kissing her forehead as he holds our son.

He's gorgeous, dark wispy hair and the tiniest fingers like his sister.

Me and Harry swap for a while and cradle our children, cherishing our last moments with our little boy.

"What shall we call him?" I ask, the pain of knowing he won't be coming home with us is just unbearable. Having our baby girl here is so bitter sweet.

"Leo?" Harry suggests and I smile.

"Perfect," I mutter, brushing over his hair.

It's so dark, I could only imagine the beautiful curls he'd have inherited from his father. Tears are rushing down my face as I hold his small lifeless body.

"And.....Darcy?" I say, looking over at our baby girl.

"Perfect," Harry smiles through his tears.
My heart feels like it's breaking in two. I've just welcome my baby into the world and he's already left before I do. I can't even begin to express the amount of pain that I feel. To think that I have to bury my son lis something I never even dreamed of doing.

"Goodbye darling," I whisper, kissing Leo's forehead, as does Harry and we give him to the doctor.

I burst into tears, my little boy won't even see the world.

"I love you," Harry smiles, wobbly, grabbing my hand.

"I love you too," I beam, linking our fingers.