Sucks to Suck (Spider-Man/X-Men Females X Male Reader)

Turning Point

It was the dead of night now. I was gonna pay this fucker back for trying to get me killed. So I made it over to his mansion. Anything of value I didn't blow up with his HQ surely was there. I brought a duffel bag with spray paint, a metal baseball bat, a lighter, the works. Whatever I couldn't steal I could destroy. As I got there it happened to be just as he was leaving to go somewhere. He told two armed security thugs something before walking to his limo and driving off. I put my bag of tricks up on the roof and stealthy snuck over to the mansion before webbing myself to the top of their oversized patio. I lowered myself  down upside down and made my way in between the two guards, staring off in opposite directions. I shot webs at both of their backs before pulling them into each other full force. Instantly they were knocked out. I reached down and picked up one of their machine guns.

"Okay, so knowing Kingpin he probably has security up the wazoo and a thousand bells and whistles that trigger at the slightest wrong move. I could try to keep this nice and clean and waste valuable time I could be spending smashing shit or I can shoot out these windows and walk in and then shoot all of these heavily armed guards as they show up... surely Kingpin//////// can buy bullet proof armor for his men." I said to myself before aiming at the windows but as soon as I did something dropped down behind me. I swung around and the person that jumped down grabbed my gun by the barrel and punched me in the nose. "Ow! Bitch!"

"Yeah I am! And you're a dumbass!" Black Cat told me. "I've been planning this since those dickless animal fucks tried to run us down in the mall and I'm not going to let you fuck it all up because your brain is smaller than your dick!"

"I'm going to take that as you think I have a big dick."

"Shut up and follow me! Quick!" She told me before jumping up and started to scale the mansion. I contemplated bringing the- "Leave the gun!" She whisper yelled down at me peaking at me. I groaned and threw it down before following her up. We went up to a room with an open window and crawled in where I saw four guards knocked out and a bunch of security cameras and a safe, as well as a vent. "I was starting my brilliant plan when I heard your dumbass jump up onto the roof and watched you scale down there. You almost ruined my night worse than it already has been and got yourself killed!"

"I could take 'em probably."

"Do you even know how many of these jackasses are in his house!?"

"I can't imagine a lot. How many dudes do you want snooping around with rifles when you go get your midnight snack with your balls hanging out of your boxers or when you're watching a football game or-"

"Look at the fucking feed!" She said pointing at the different monitors looking at the cameras all around the mansion. Let's see quick count... 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40– oh wow this is all the first row of cameras.

"Do these guys not have lives?"

"They probably get 5 grant a month doing this shit and imagine the bonus they would've gotten for catching your dumbass or me!" She said. She was angry tonight. Really angry. And I don't think me being a dumb was was to blame.

"Alright then what's your plan to deal with them all?" I asked. She pulled out a vile with a little cat head on top of it for the spritzer from between her cleavage. She also pulled out a couple of nose plugs.

"Put these in." She told me. I lifted my mask up to my nostrils and put them in.

"Sweet."

"What?"

"Nothing." These were just in her boobs. It feels like I'm secondhand motorboating her. "What's it the vile?"

"Cat nap. I think I fixed it up correctly, I don't know, I'm not a science nerd. Should knock the guards out in a moment's notice."