Sucks to Suck (Spider-Man/X-Men Females X Male Reader)

The Threatening Neighborhood Spider-Person

"So these are supposed to be the best Hitmen of not just the big apple, not just Hell's Kitchen, but the entire state of New York? If I was Kingpin I'd ask for my money back. But I guess that's why you guys came in here? To take his money back? Or at least take it from my Cold dead hands which you failed to make cold and dead?" I was counting the money in my hands before putting the dough in my duffel bag. I kinda feel stupid stealing shit with a duffel bag while wearing a black suit with purple web designs and a purple spider but I'm not gonna make cute little webs every time I wanna do a snatch and grab. "How much did you guys get paid? I'll leave exactly how much you cost." I asked the twenty something dipshits I had webbed up around the room. "Honestly I should make it easier for him and just become a vampire so he can just hire ///// Bla-..." I sighed before dodging a web blast and shooting one of my own. "Are we seriously doing this again?"

"Well you can make this easier by just giving up now." Spidergirl asked coming out of the shadows.

"...Nah." I said before shooting a web near one of the hitmen and grabbing his machine gun. I started shooting at Spidergirl and unsurprisingly she kept dodging all of them before slingshotting towards me and kicking me into a bunch of cash. She ran towards me and started throwing punches that I either blocked or dodged before we traded places until I kneed her in the stomach. I then lifted my foot up and stomped on her spine making her fall to the ground. I was gonna squash the spider's head in before Spidergirl shot her webs at a crate and pulled it towards us. I jumped out of the way before the crate hit me and landed on the ceiling.

"Hey! That's not how physics work! It's scientifically impossible for you to have gotten the crate off the ground from your position!" I shouted.

"He said during the fight between two spider people with super strength!" She said before springing up and shooting two webs at me. I dodged one but she stuck one of my hands to the ceiling, making me dangle from the roof.

"Let me down, you Spider-Cunt!" I shouted.

"I'm sure the NYPD would gladly help you down." Spidergirl said before I shot a web at her right foot. "Hey!"

"If Kingpin shows up and guns me down, you're getting gunned down, too!"

"In your dreams!" She said reaching down to possibly rip the webs off her foot. "I'm just gonna-" She said before I shot another web at her hand, getting it stuck to her foot. "HEY!"

"Ha Ha! Sucks to suck you /// dumb b-..."

"Oh great, you felt that, too." Spidergirl said before we both looked around the warehouse.

"Well, I guess I better say something!" A third voice said before she flipped into the light. "Isn't this purrfect-"

"Ugggggggghhh!" Spidergirl and I groaned at the same time after hearing Black Cat's pun.

"My least favorite hero and my least favorite criminal in the same room all tangled up, meanwhile all this cash is just lying around."

"Hey! Keep your filthy paws off my dough! No pun intended even though mine is 100 times better than that perfect shit and I didn't even mean to make the pun!"

"Well technically it's Kingpin's dough, that he'll think you stole. Therefore I get away without a scratch on me. Sure every dog has his day but I guess today goes to me." She said before grabbing my duffel bag. "It's been fun, girls, same time next week?"

"Oh hell no!" I said before shooting a string towards one of the assassins and pulling a knife out of his hand. I grabbed it and cut around the web on my other hand before falling to the ground.

"Oh shit, time to go!" She said before running off. I quickly sprinted after her and webbed myself up to the place Black Cat had parkoured her way up to. She jumped out of a window and onto a car that one of the assassins must've taken to the warehouse before getting in. I jumped down after her but she had hot wired the car and went 0 to 80 while I was on the roof. Thanks to my spider abilities I held on and crawled my way to the driver's door before Black Cat kicked it open and it hit me in the face. I was slightly dazed but saw her jump out the car and up a la//////dder.

"God dammit that thing is happening again." I said to myself before looking over and "OH SHIT!" I said before jumping off the car and onto a wall right before it smashed into a dumpster. I angrily looked to the roof tops and saw Black Cat hopping from building to building before I scurried up the side of my building and shot a web to swing across the city. I managed to catch up and land on the same building as Black Cat before chasing after her on foot. I saw an upcoming parade for those Avenger Dickheads who died up in space or whatever that Black Cat seemed to be heading straight towards. Before she jumped I was able to shoot a web that caught her arm and pulled her back to me before I grabbed her close.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked her.

"Y'know this would be more romantic if you weren't wearing that stupid mask."

"Sorry doll face I don't date criminals."

"And I don't date bad criminals."

"Yeah, okay." I scoffed. "And by the way, I happen to dig blondes more."

"What if I told you I was more fun?"

"Doubt you're any more fun than the blonde I'm thinking of. Especially with those cat puns earlier." I said.

"And what if I proved it?"

"And how exactly are you going to do that before I throw you off this ////build-" I said before Black Cat slashed off my mask underneath my nose and kissed me. I staggered back but she kept a hold on me. I don't know why my alarm thing went off. This isn't so b- I thought before Black Cat bit my tongue and then sliced the web off her hand before running off and onto a parade float of Captain America.

"GAH PHUKEENG DAAMME!" I shouted holding a hand over my mouth while watching Black Cat run away on float after float.