fatal love

Chapter 11

After the meeting with Dumbledore, Sirius felt more alive than he had since the start of summer. He wasn't happy, exactly, but he had a purpose now. He wasn't just waiting to be used again, at his mother's discretion. He was going to get her, and his whole family, back. And Dumbledore had asked him to do it! The most powerful wizard in the world needed his help. He was going to help bring down Voldemort, and save so many people. He'd be a hero.

That was worth living with his family for. They couldn't do anything that would stop him. He'd play his part perfectly around them, act like a perfect Black Heir, and gather as much information for Dumbledore as he could. Living with Andy might have been nice, but this was far more important. Maybe, when the war was over, he'd get an Order of Merlin. He might be famous, for his work, and everyone would love him.

He hadn't told James his plan. Being an informant for Dumbledore required secrecy, after all, even from his best friend. So he only told James that Dumbledore couldn't help him leave his home, but that he was okay with it.

James was obviously massively overreacting to what he'd heard Sirius confess to Andromeda. He kept trying to have A Conversation with him about it, which Sirius was doing everything possible to avoid. Who would want to talk about being starved for a week, then Imperioed for a month? He was very happy with his own attitude, which was to go on pretending that it had never happened, but James wouldn't let it go.

It was the 16th of September, a week after they'd gone to Hogsmede, when James finally got him on his own. Sirius had been sticking close to either Remus or Peter that week, so James couldn't say anything, but on that day, James cornered him as he was leaving the bathroom, shoving him back in and shutting the door behind them.

"Stop avoiding me!" he said angrily. "You can't just tell me your mother used an Unforgivable on you and then refuse to talk about it!"

"Why not?" asked Sirius petulantly.

"Because it's not healthy! And I'm only trying to help!"

"I know you're trying to help," Sirius sighed, "but talking about it isn't going to change anything, okay? Nothing's going to change this, Andy even went to Dumbledore and nothing changed. So why dwell on it? I'm at Hogwarts again, my parents are all the way back in London. So just let me enjoy Hogwarts without making this place all about them too, yeah?"

"Really? You just want me to ignore what you went through?"

Sirius rolled his eyes at James' phrasing. People said he was dramatic, but really, James took the cake. "Yes, really. Honestly, I just want to curse Snivelly and set off dungbombs. And I want to do that with you. So can we go back to having fun, and stop having chats about my tragic home life?"

"Fine," James said. "If that's what you really want, we can go back to normal. But if you ever change your mind, and you do want to talk, you can come to me. Okay?"

Sirius smiled, and clapped him on the back. "Cheers, Potter."

"You're welcome, Black," James chuckled. "So what was this about cursing Snivelly?"

The next week was the week of the full moon. Now Sirius knew what he was looking for, he could see Remus looked tired the whole week, even if he only got properly sick the couple of days beforehand. On Friday afternoon, they were in the dorm together, alone, and the full was the next day. James and Peter, now used to the routine when Remus fell ill, had cleared out of the dorm and let Sirius hang out with him.

They were playing the Ziggy Stardust album again, while Remus lay in bed, listening to Sirius ramble about his and James' latest escapade, which happened to be gluing all the toilet seats in the dungeons shut. Remus already knew about this, of course, but he was rambling because he wasn't sure how to bring up the whole werewolf thing. He'd decided he had to tell Remus he knew, because the whole charade of being ill was feeling ridiculous at this point. And he had to let Remus know that he didn't care - then there'd be no more secrets, Remus wouldn't have to lie anymore, and their friendship would be stronger than ever. But it was a big deal, Sirius understood that, and he had to handle it tactfully.