fatal love

Chapter 44

Sirius stood there dumbly at the edge of the lake. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck. He didn't... he wasn't...

Forgetting the party, Sirius turned away and ran straight up to Gryffindor Tower and burst into the Common Room, which was still half full, given it was a Saturday night. He ran straight up the steps to the girls' dorms, but forgot about the charm, and they turned into a slide, sending him tumbling to the floor, to the laughter of everyone in the room.

Ignoring them, Sirius stood up and took a deep breath, yelling. "MARLENE! MARLENE MCKINNON, COME DOWN RIGHT NOW!"

Five seconds later, Marlene appeared at the top of the staircase, in her pyjamas and slippers, looking supremely annoyed. "Black? What the fuck do you want?" Then she saw his face, and her expression morphed to one of concern as she hurried down the stairs. "Are you okay?"

"I- I- I need to talk to you. Like, right now."

"Okay," she said gently, holding his arm, just like Benjy had earlier. Before Benji had-

"In private," he gasped.

"Okay," she repeated calmly, "let's go, come on." She led him out of the Common Room in a business-like fashion, and pulled him into the first empty classroom she found.

They must look a right pair, Sirius thought hollowly. Him in his most expensive robes, having a breakdown, and her in her Harpies pyjamas and bunny slippers, looking as collected as ever.

"What is it?" she asked as soon as the door was shut behind them, steering Sirius to sit on a desk, and sitting on the one next to him.

Sirius was silent for a second. And then, "Are you gay?" he blurted out.

Marlene blinked in shock. " What?"

"You said you didn't feel, like, it, or whatever, when we kissed, so, are you gay?"

She stared at him, calculating. "Yes," she said eventually, holding her chin high.

"Am I gay?"

"Oh, Jesus Christ, Sirius, I don't know!" she exclaimed.

"Marlene, I am freaking out here! I am freaking out!" He started to hyperventilate.

"Okay, okay," she said quickly, "just breathe, alright. Why do you think you're gay?"

"Benjy Fenwick just kissed me."

"Right..."

"And I liked it."

"Oh. Well, are you attracted to boys or girls? Or both, it can be both, you know."

"I... I..."

"Okay, try this," Marlene said, looking at him sympathetically. "Are there any boys you want to kiss?"

"Yes," Sirius whispered.

"And any girls?"

"No..."

"Well, there you are then. Look, Sirius, I can't tell you if you're queer or not, only you can know that. But, if you are queer, then you know that's okay, right? It's perfectly fine."

Sirius shook his head desperately, feeling his eyes become wet. "No. No, I can't be gay. I'm the Heir, Marlene. I can't- I can't-"

She stood up, and hugged him fiercely, stroking his head. "Yes you can, love," she murmured. "You can, and it's okay, I promise you."

At that, Sirius burst into tears, shaking in her arms. "I'm gay, Marls. Fuck, oh fuck, how did I not realise? I'm fucking gay."

She shushed him softly, still stroking him. "It's alright, it's all alright. The people who really matter, they won't care."