fatal love

Chapter 27

The next Monday, Sirius was eating breakfast with Marlene before they went to Muggle Studies. Well, she was eating breakfast - Sirius had poured himself a large mug of coffee, and was filling it with milk and sugar. He'd only got about five hours of sleep last night, and was very aware that his insomnia was starting to take its toll. The bags under his eyes were bigger than ever, and his skin was looking sallow. Looking like shit, and being aware that he looked like shit, only made him feel even more uncomfortable in his own skin.

At least he had Marlene. Having a girl be attracted to you, wanting to snog you, gave him some small relief. So he stuck to her side, smiling as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

The flock of owls flew into the Great Hall, and Sirius glanced up, expecting to be delivered his usual copy of the Daily Prophet. His heart stopped beating, however, when he saw the Black Family owl glide in, carrying a smoking red envelope.

James noticed his expression at once, and followed Sirius' gaze until his eyes were fixed on the Howler.

"Shit," he muttered, turning back to Sirius. "What did you do?"

Sirius shook his head - he had no idea. The red letter was dropped in front of him, and by now, everyone in the Hall had noticed what was happening. Marlene sat up straight, shifting away from him slightly with a sympathetic look on her face.

Sirius ran through his plan in his head quickly. Keep his face blank, look unaffected, whatever was said. Don't make any eye contact, keep his head high. Steeling himself, he tore the envelope open, letting his mother's voice tear through the Hall.

" Sirius Orion Black! You never fail to disappoint us, but never have you stooped to such lows! Liaisons with a half-breed! You make me sick! Every dalliance you engage in poisons your noble heritage! You have betrayed your own blood, and your own family, with your perversion! Be grateful your brother still has some faith in you! Any more contact with that half-breed is forbidden!"

The letter burst into flames in front of him. Every student had turned to face him, and Sirius made sure he looked perfectly neutral, taking a long sip of his coffee, rolling his eyes. The teachers were all glancing at each other, apparently unsure about what they were supposed to do. Not much they could do, Sirius thought. Walburga Black would say whatever she wanted, and everyone had to listen.

"... Mate?" James said cautiously.

"Mm?"

"You alright?"

"Perfectly fine."

"Uh... you should probably check on Marlene," Remus said.

Sirius glanced to his side, but the space where Marlene had been was empty. Shit. His mother had just called her a half-breed in front of the whole school. He should go look for her, try to apologise. If he left now, though, he'd look weak. His mother was allowed to humiliate him, but it had to be clear - he was still the Black Heir. No one else could see weakness. Make sure you are always respected, his mother's voice whispered in his ear.

"I'll talk to her in Muggle Studies," Sirius shrugged, reaching for a slice of toast.

"You don't want to see if she's okay?" James asked.

"Nah," Sirius said evenly. The Hall was slowly beginning to fill with chatter again. The Slytherins were all watching him intently, examining him for any crack they could exploit, he knew they were. He tuned out from the conversation at the table, his mothers words swirling in his head.

It wasn't perverted, dating Marlene, he knew that. But he had let down his family. The Black ring felt heavy on his finger. He didn't want to let his family down; he wanted to make them proud. But he also wanted to be a good person. And trying to find a way to do both of those things was becoming impossible.