fatal love

chapter 178

31ST OCTOBER 1981

Sirius was still up when he got the call. Remus had gone to sleep hours ago, but Sirius had stayed downstairs. He'd expected to be in Voldemort's hands by now, he wasn't sure what was taking so long.

"Sirius!" A woman's voice cried out, terrified. Lily's voice.

Sirius jumped, searching for his mirror. It had fallen down one of the sofa cushions, fuck, fuck! He finally found it, but it had already gone blank.

It was probably a prank, Sirius told himself. It was Halloween, James was probably going stir crazy. But the voice had sounded so scared...

"Evans!" he hissed into the mirror urgently. "Evans, are you there?!"

Nothing.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck! Sirius hovered for two seconds, and then leapt up, jumping on his bike and taking off as fast as he could. When he got to Godric's Hollow, he was going to throttle James for putting him through this , he thought. It wasn't funny, not at all. He could taste the panic in his mouth, sharp and bitter, and trembled violently as he left the cottage.

He sped through the sky, pushing the bike to go faster than was safe, all the while reminding himself that, no, Sirius, everything is fine, James is just being an arse and pulling your leg.

He could tell himself that the whole journey. But not when he got to the house. It was smoking, the roof had been blown off, the glass in all the windows was shattered.

Sirius came crashing to the ground, no no no, no, this couldn't be happening, no. He ran to the entrance and froze, letting out a tiny, pained squeak. There was James, lifeless at the doorway, eyes open but glazed over.

At that moment, the boy turned to look at him, and broke out into a grin.

"How are you doing mate? What's your-

No. No, Sirius didn't have time to remember, he couldn't do that now, because he needed to find Lily, and Harry. He dragged his eyes away from James' body, poor poor James, loving, brave, righteous James, his brother, and carried on forwards. He heard the sound of a baby crying and started to run again, falling up the stairs in his haste and bursting into Harry's room.

Oh Merlin, no, not Lily as well. But there she was, in front of Harry's crib, in front of her son because she was a good mother, loving, her red hair spilling out over the floor.

"For the record, I wouldn't mind being your friend, Black. Plus, having a muggleborn friend wi-

No no no, he couldn't do that either. He couldn't remember Lily because Harry was still in his crib, and he was sitting up, he was alive. Somehow, somehow, Harry was alive, staring up at Sirius, his cheeks tearstained and his eyes scared, but alive.

"Black?"

Sirius jolted, looking behind him. Hagrid was at the doorway, and he strode right past Sirius, picking Harry up. Sirius stared at the giant in shock as he held Harry with ease, as if he had the right to be there, the right to snatch up Sirius' godson like that.

"What are you doing?" he demanded, blocking Hagrid's exit.

"Dumbledore's orders," Hagrid said grimly. "Taking him to his aunt an' uncle's."

"...No," Sirius said blankly, "you can't."

Hagrid smiled at Sirius in sympathy. "Is'a real tragedy, I know you was close with 'em. But it's Dumbledore's orders."

Sirius shook his head frantically. "No," he argued, his desperation seeping through in all its glory, "give him to me, I'm his godfather, it should be me."

"Look, Black, I know this is hard-"

"Harry!" Sirius cried out in distress. "You want to come with me, don't you?"

Harry stared at him with wide, wet eyes, sniffing. "Pafoo."

"See!" Sirius exclaimed, feeling like his lungs weren't getting enough air. "He wants me, I'm his godfather! James and Lily would want him with me, just give him to me, Hagrid, I'll look after him. I swear, I love that boy, I'll keep him safe."

Hagrid just stared at Sirius, not saying a word.

"... Harry," Sirius pleaded, "Harry, I love you, I'll fix this somehow. I promise, okay, I'll make this all better. Hagrid, you have to let me take him, he's all that's left. Please. He's my godson, I love him, I'll love him so much, he should stay with me."

Harry started to cry then, and Sirius shook helplessly, reaching out, but Hagrid kept Harry far away. How had he let this happen? He had to look after Harry, he'd promised James and Lily that he would, they'd trusted him with their son, he couldn't fail them now as well.

Hagrid shook his head. "I'm jus' doing what I'm told," he said firmly. "If you got a problem, you can speak to Dumbledore about it."

"Shit, shit." Sirius ran his hands down his face, searching for any solution. But Hagrid wasn't budging. "... Fine. Fine, take my bike."

Hagrid raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah. I won't need it anymore."

Sirius left the house minutes after Hagrid did. There was no point in sticking around.

Peter. Peter had been the spy, he'd sold out Lily and James, who knew who else, fucking Peter. Nervous, sweet, non-threatening Peter.

Sirius was going to kill him. He was going to Crucio him for hours and hours, and then he was going to slit Peter's throat, he was going to make him bleed, he was going to make him pay for what he did.

He left Godric's Hollow, apparating to Peter's mother's house. He burst in, pointed his wand at her, threatened her. Ordered her to tell him where he was. She cowered just like her son did, insisted that she didn't know.

So he left, careening out of the house angrily. That was when he laid eyes on him. There he was, scurrying down the street, face down and shoulders hunched.

"WORMTAIL!" Sirius roared, blazing with fury. "GET BACK HERE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING EVIL RAT!"

Pete jumped, whipping around to face Sirius. His eyes widened, and Sirius clocked the fear, revelled in it.

"YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR SAD, INSIGNIFICANT LIFE!" he yelled, storming forwards and pushing muggles out of the way. "YOU DISGUSTING RODENT, I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU SCREAM, I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! YOU SLIMY, DESPICABLE CUNT!"

"I- I am?" Pete squeaked, trembling. "What about you? How could you do that to James and Lily?"

Sirius froze, thrown for a second. " Me?" he seethed. "It was-"

"I trusted you!" Pete wailed as tears filled his eyes. "And you killed my friends!"

"Pettigrew, how dare you-"

BANG!

Sirius was thrown back by the force of the blast, crashing into a building and crumpling to a heap on the ground. He hit his head, and groaned, dizzy. When he managed to get back up and look around, the street was in complete disarray, corpses everywhere, and Wormtail was gone, only a finger left behind. He'd disappeared.

Peter had gotten away.

Wormtail had gotten away. Harry had been taken from him. And James and Lily were dead.

Sirius began to laugh in anguish, as the realisations rained down on him one by one. He'd failed everyone. For years he'd tried to protect everyone, keep them all safe, and he'd failed each and every single time, miserably. Eff, Monty, Reg, Marlene, Benjy, James, Lily. All dead, all because he'd failed, he'd failed every step of the way. The laughter built, coming from deep in his chest, and he couldn't stop, even as tears started streaming down his face.

He was so pathetic. He'd been so naïve, so stupid, and he'd led James and Lily right into Voldemort's hands, he'd been fucking proud, had thought it was such a great plan.

Around him, Aurors started apparating in by the tens, all pointing their wands at him, like they'd been wanting to do for the last three years, and he didn't even care, he just laughed maniacally.